The Life and Times of Brown Sugar, Vol. 2

Spike Lee's everywhere, game on the flight, you might see me anywhere, day in the life

2009-06-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

Here is the latest commercial I produced. It was a very interesting/surreal experience

This pretty much made me cum in my pants.

I don't know why I've fallen out of love with blogging this year. Being busy has had a lot to do with it. But I also think most of the things I've wanted to vent about have been way to complicated to write about, and most of these things have resolved themselves a few weeks afterward anyways.

When I started this blog I was just beginning Adcenter and I made it a point not to discuss relationships/women on the blog because I didn't want to relive all the bullshit incestuous gossip of architecture school. And it worked for the most part. I guess it's become a habit of sorts. Because most of my posts as of late would be about my girlfriend. But I save those thoughts for my Hello Kitty Diary. But I would admit most of my thoughts/insights about myself over the past few months have been related to my current relationship. But keeping with the pattern of not talking about that stuff has led to a lack of blogging.

I've recently come to the realization that there is not enough fucking time in the day to execute all the ideas I want to. But this songs makes me want to hustle as hard as possible and figure out a way to accomplish all of it.

Manmade terror, hungry jaws of death, y'all don't cross my depths

2009-05-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

hip hop & eggs_episode 3 from hip hop & eggs on Vimeo.

HIP HOP & EGGS_ EPISODE 3 SUCKAS.

A long episode since we were gone for so long, but our best one yet. Enjoy!

I'm kinda like a big deal, it's unbelievable my warning gives you big chills

2009-04-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

So yesterday really sucked. I found out all the Quiksilver work I've been working on the past month got killed. You go to New York for a couple of days and the shit just hits the fan.

But amazingly, I didn't really give a shit because I realized The Clipse released their first single off their forthcoming new album Till the Casket Drops. Santa IS real. Behold, "Kinda Like a Big Deal" ft. Kanye West. The official banger for the '09.

Hip Hop & Eggs ep_3 coming soon. Commence face-melting sequence.

It's almost May. What the hell is going on?

Last thought: Never leave Ray Allen open for the 3. Never.

I represent Queens, she was raised out in Brooklyn

2009-03-02T14:56:00.000-08:00

***DISCLAIMER*** Feb 26th - March 1st I was NYC. This entry is epic, it took me a month to write. Prepare to change your pants after reading.

Guess who's bizzack?

So I'm going to spend this entry detailing the past four days of vacation I had in NYC. The trip was fucking awesome. I'm really glad I did it. Especially after working for two months straight.

Thursday, Feb 26th
--------
8:00 pm - Jay lands in NYC.
8:30 pm - Jay arrives at the Wogie's via cab and greets one Andrew Aquino outside on the street with a warm embrace.
8:45pm - 3:30 am - Jay and friends Luke, Meranne, Andrew, Ross, and "Zara" (as I have decided to name her to protect her identity) consume more alcohol than God. Many references are made to being mugged and stabbed with your own iphone.
11:00pm - Ross departs to make a 2 hour train ride back to Jersey.
12:30 am - Meranne departs.
1:00 am - 1st round of tequila, 12th round yingling.
2:00 am - Jay, Luke, and Andrew discuss merits of creating our own advertising agency. Zara somehow convinces the owner for a second shot of tequila.
3:00 am - Third shot of tequila. My internal organs begin shutting down.
3:03 am - Luke vomits somewhere outside Wogie's, but like a champ, comes directly back in.
3:15 am - We pay the bill
3:30 am - Jay randomly jumps in a cab with an unsuspecting Zara after stealing a bottle of tabasco sauce from Wogie's. Luke and Andrew cheer.

Friday, Feb 27th
--------
Time unknown am, - Meranne wakes up to see Luke in their bed with a bloody nose and blood all over his arm and pillow case. Meranne sees Luke's nose, Jay not in apartment, assumes Jay is dead.
1 pm - Jay awakes hungover as balls. Gets Shake Stack burger with Zara, unknowingly enjoying the nice NYC weather before he freezes his ass off the rest of the weekend.
3 pm - Jay realizes he smells like paint.
3:30 pm - 4:30 pm - Hungover nap with Zara.
5 pm - Jay realizes it's really fucking hard to get a cab in NYC when it's raining.
6 pm - Jay finally arrives at Luke and Meranne's. Meranne is happy Jay is not dead.
6:30 pm - Luke arrives back home from work, claims he was drunk for the first half of the day. He is accompanied with Keiji.
6:45 pm - Wine drinking commences.
7:30 pm - Ross arrives to Luke and Meranne's.
7:45 pm - Ross and I discuss the merits of Tom Hanks playing Michael Jordan in a Michael Jordan biopic.
8:00 pm - Second bottle of wine opened.
8:07 pm - First picture of trip taken.
8:45 pm - A discussion about making an avant-garde film with Tom Hanks as a homeless man who masturbates in a parking lot.
9:00 pm - Katherine Ward and her husband, Robbie, arrive.
9:30 pm - After talking to Katherine Jay learns that working for Martha Stewart is a fucking epic feat that he could never accomplish.
9:45 pm - We sit outside on Luke and Meranne's porch (yes, a porch in Hell's Kitchen, so amazing) and enjoy NYC sky and a painting by Alice Husack.
10:15 pm - More wine is consumed. Ross departs having to go back to New Jersey. But not before taking the most awkward picture ever, which I will not post.
10:30 pm - We depart for "The Patriot," a bar that only plays country music.
11:00 pm - Arrive at "The Patriot." One Paul Ayers and his lady friend Simone are there. So is the one, the only, Andrew Aquino. Some other people who I can't remember are also there, but they were awesome. I take a picture of Aquino dancing. All is perfect in the universe.
11:45 pm - I meet hot chick at the bar who has not-so-hot friend. But she is super hot, and wants to wear my DC hat. I tell her "No, because only special people get to wear the DC hat." Eventually she convinces me, because she is super hot. But even though she is super hot, I realize I am somewhat more enamored with Zara. So I allow my boy Keiji to work his game on hot chick.
12:45 am - Luke and I got outside to discuss Backgammon and an exit strategy for Iraq.
1:15 am - More pitchers of beer.
2:00 am - Claire Sims arrives. I haven't seen her since graduation. We drink. A lot.
2:30 am - 4 am - More beer is consumed. We get to the subway. LA begins to suck more and more when I realize I dont have to drive anywhere after drinking at a bar. Brilliant.
5:00 am - Get back to Luke and Meranne's. Luke makes an inflatable bed for me in the middle of their living room with some small robot contraption. I am amazed.
5:17 am - I try to consume more water than God before I pass out.
5:18 am - I fail and pass out in the middle of Luke and Meranne's living room.

Saturday, Feb 28th
--------
12:00 pm - I awake to the early Christmas miracle of me not being hungover as balls.
12:37 pm - Luke gets us breakfast sandwiches and we begin watching "Wayne's World" while drinking bloody marys Meranne has made.
12:38 pm - I realize I want to download the "Wayne's World" original motion picture soundtrck more than anything in the world. "Dreamwaver?" "Ballroom Blitz?" Yes, please.
3:00 pm - Not realizing it's cold as shit, the three us decide to go play bocce ball in Central Park. Meranne packs an amazing picnic of some meat, cheese, and more bloody mary.
3:13 pm - Walking to Central Park from Hell's Kitchen we all realize it's really fucking cold. But we soldier on. On the way, we see some people roller skating, three other people doing trick with a frisbee.
3:30 pm - We sit on a bench freexing watching the frisbee guys. Luke and I discuss the topic that if there were ever a "Street Fighter" type tournament for frisbee, the guys we are watching would definitely represent NYC.
4:00 pm - We set up at a nice patch and begin playing a game of bocce. Meranne is so cold at this point that she opts out of the game. Time for another baller picture: $$$
4:17 pm - After several groups of people walk by us looking at us as if we're fuckign crazy for playing bocce in the freezing cold, we realize it's time to possibly go back inside where it's warm. But I beat Luke in our abridged game.
4:40 pm - Walking home, Luke yells "DO IT, DOUG!" to a passerby. He turns to me and asks me "You know what that's from right?" I look at him angrily and he automatically realize I familiar with one of the greatest movie ever made, "Mallrats."
4:42 pm - After talking about "Mallrats" for 2 minutes straight, Luke decides to buy the movie so we can watch when we get back to their apartment. I am happy.
5:30 pm - 7:30 pm - We watch "Mallrats" while drinking wine and it's just as incredible as the first time I saw it in 10th grade.
8:30 pm - We depart for dinner at the Italian restuarant "Mimi's." Moron is wearing an awesome hat.
9:00 pm - Arrive at "Mimi's." Zara texts me saying she is going to hop in a cab and head to Mimi's. I order her some stuffed peppers. I order some chicken parmigiana. I drink wine with my friends.
9:13 pm - Luke and I discuss how baller the dude playing piano is.
9:45 pm - Zara arrives. She looks super beautiful. I start hoping more and more she digs hanging out with skinny Indian jackasses.
10:45 pm - We finish dinner. Zara can't hang out. She needs to go back and write. I'm bummed, but the prospect of goign to sing Karaoke at an Asian bar balances everything out.
11:10 pm - We arrive at Asian Karaoke bar, the name of which I have since forgotten. Mainly because when I arrived I am greeted by one, Andrew Aquino waiting for me with a double shot of Jager. At this point, the night spirals out of control and I have no idea what happened when, but I will try to approximate.
11:50 pm - Andrew Jasperson arrives with some of his friends. We drink.
12:15 am - My friend Craig Baldo, comedian extraordinaire makes a cameo.
Time unknown am: I sing "Kiss from a Rose," by Seal and kill that shit.
Time unknown am: Andrew Aquino maanges to offend every person in the bar by constantly referring to every Asian as "Japanese" even though the consensus is that we're at a Korean Karaoke bar.
Time unknown am: Luke and Aquino sing Lisa Loeb's "Stay" as a tribute to get me to remain in New Yrok City. I shed a single tear of happiness.
Time unknown am: I talk to Moron about stuff that I probably shouldn't know about, but I'm happy to hear.
Time unknown am: We leave bar. Andrew Aquino jumps into a car with that I believe he described as a "Russian hooker." I cheer. Moron, Luke, K. Ward, Robbie, and Claire walk to the subway.
Time unknown am: One the way home Claire keeps talking to me about Zara. Her thoughts on Zara, and I quote, Claire: "Holy shit Jay. She is so hot that if I was dating me, I would cheat on me with her." She also made a few "Slumdog Millionaire" allusions. But I was so intoxicated that I let it slide.
Time unknown am: We get gyros on the way home and it is the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life.
Time unknown (approx 5 am): Luke uses the robot again to make me a bed. I pass the fuck out.

Sunday, Feb 29th
--------
12:00 pm - I awake. Luke, Moron, and I watch a ridiculous game show.
1:00 - 3:00 pm - We all walk to a great Cajun restaurant with live jazz for brunch.
1:36 pm - I realize shrimp gumbo + sierra nevada might be the most delicious anti-hangover remedy ever.
2:04 pm - I discuss with Luke and Meranne, that perhaps I stereotyped NYC too much based on my previous visit. I was way too stressed ot about external circumstances (freelancing, job offers, relationship bullshit, and falling sick) which I blamed on the city... (although winter in NYC isn't a cakewalk). I realize I need to live in NYC at some point in my life.
3:15 pm - Arrive back at Luke and Meranne's. I pack my shit, and text Zara.
3:35 pm - I depart Luke and Meranne, thanking them for a fucking incredible weekend.
4:00 pm - I meet Zara at a Starbucks near the highway.
4:05 pm - We talk for a while. Mostly about music. I give her the Raphael Saadiq album off my hard drive.
4:22 pm - The entire weekend begins catching up with me. I rest my head on a wall while we talk.
4:45 pm - After telling Zara I think she's fucking awesome, I jump into a cab and head for JFK airport.
6:05 pm - After going through security I go and sit at my departure gate. Since Thursday night I had LL Cool J's "Doin' It" stuck in my head. Having my laptop with me and some time to kill I put LL Cool J's "All World: Greatest Hits" in on my ipod so I can listen to it on the flight back to LA.
6:13 pm - Ipod loaded with LL Cool J, headphone blarring "The Boomin' System" I decide to walk and get a sandwich.
6:15 pm - Walking to get some food I see LL Cool J walk by me. I start to question how much alcohol I've consumed this weekend, since I thikn I'm hallucinating.
6:16 pm - I realize I'm not hallucinating, and yell "Yo what up LL?!?" We slap hands. I proceed to tell him he is a god of hip hop and ask him if he will ever work with legendary producer Marley Marl again. Once he realizes that I'm a genuine hip hop fan, we talk some more. I ask him if he would ever consider filming "Deep Blue Sea 2." He is not as impressed as when I called him a God of Hip Hop.
6:20 pm - I take my leave of LL Cool J to continue searching for a sandwich. I text Zara (who consistently meets rappers in NYC) telling her I just said what up to LL Cool J. She immediately texts me back saying I'm full of shit.
6:27 pm - I approach LL Cool J again, and proceed to tell him that my friend says I'm full of shit, and ask if I can take a picture with him to prove her wrong. He agrees. "I represent Queens, she was raised out in Brooklyn."
7:05 pm - Get on plane back to LAX, promptly pass out.
11:30 pm - Picked up by Mike at LAX, amazed at the fact I'm not dead.

Amazing trip.

None like us, so none like us

2009-01-30T11:43:00.000-08:00

The Brownst*r Revolution is coming.

Sorry for the last post, I've been taking things like a real bitch recently.

Disrespect my click, my shit's imperial, fuck around and made her milkbox material

2009-01-22T18:34:00.000-08:00

Fuck you traffic light at Slauson/Sepulveda. Fuck you up your stupid ass. Piece of fucking shit. 3am driving home from work and you stay fucking red on all four lights for four fucking minutes. I just sit in my car seething, ready to punch anyone's face in. I just wanna go home and sleep. Maybe make some Totinos Pizza Rolls before I go to bed. Fuck you... It doesn't help that I'm listening to M.O.P. But I'm too much of a bitch to run the red because I know when I do LAPD will just happen to turn the corner at the moment I decide to, like they always fucking do. And since I look like one of those fucking assholes who flew a plane into skyscraper I know whenever I get pulled over the shit never ends well. So I just sit in my car. Listen to M.O.P. and imagine some jackass is controlling the light and fucking with me. At least I could laugh at that.

January is kicking my ass. And I didn't quite see that coming.

Gracias I'm crazy yes it's obvious, going against me is atheist

2008-12-19T23:33:00.000-08:00

2008 was a decent year. I'd give it a 7.1 out of 10, mainly for reasons I'm too lazy to get into. But I'm excited for the '09. I've moved in with one of my best friends from Georgia who moved to LA to be a writer, Mike. Our new place is awesome. And by awesome I mean 97% of the other tenants in our complex are Korean and over the age of 65. Also, I've been in the apartment all of 2 days and have already been told to turn my music down. Ballinnnnnnnnn!

But Mike is fucking awesome. Already one of the most ridiculous nights I've had in LA was when Mike was crashing on my couch back in August and this happened. I think half the time when I was living by myself I'm fucking beat when I get home from work and I don't feel like doing shit. But having a roomate will probably force me to not be a lazy sack of shit and go out and enjoy LA more. It also helps that Mike will most likely always be somewhat drunk and playing Wii when I get home from work. $$$

I turn 26 in a few days. I'm having a birthday party tomorrow, where my brother, as a birthday gift to me, has promised to hit my friend Andrew with a chair WWF style. Awesome.

Anyways, enough with the bullshit. The best tracks of '08 as decided by Jay Kamath:

Girl Talk - Play Your Part (Part 1) Spencer Davis Group + UGK + Pete Townshend + UNK + Twisted Sister + Lil' Mama + Temple of the Dog + Birdman + Lil' Wayne + T.I. + Aaliyah + Sinnead O'Connor + Shawna = Brilliance.

Raphael Saadiq - Love that Girl But this album. The Way I See It. Incredible. Such a triumph of old school and new school harmonies and grooves. The smoothest music you'll listen to all year. To be played at weddings and other happy gatherings for years to come.

The Knife - Heartbeats Shout out to Besse Gardner for turning me on to this group. What seemed to me at first listen was a a weird-Bjork-Swedish-knock-off turned out to be one of the dopest beats all year. So dope that they made this Kanye track remix even doper than the original. As me and my friend Matt discussed one night, the vocals are so ridiculously good even though they seem even more ridiculously effortless.

Lil' Wayne - A Milli I hate Pitchfork. A lot. It's the most pretentious hipster music bullshit all concentrated on one website. However, there was no way I could one-up their review of this hip hop track of the decade, so I'll just jack it: "Somewhere, Orville Redenbacher's Gourmet Popping Corn is ruining a missed marketing opportunity. Somewhere else, Dennis Rodman has mixed feelings about his only 2008 cultural reference. Goblins are up; goons are down. Erykah Badu is excited to be repped by an MC not named Common. Big, Jay, and 2Pac are looking on, humbly satisfied. Andre 3000 wants his plaid pants back. Mike Lowry is watching Bad Boys 2 climb up Netflix queues. Gwen Stefani is remembering she's also in a band called No Doubt. People in charge of venereal disease awareness are reluctantly pleased. The almighty dollar is pining for its pre-meltdown glory days. The Bible is happy to have been mentioned in the most booming hip-hop song of the year. And Wayne? He's still rapping. Or maybe singing. --Ryan Dombal." I have yet to hit the rewind button when this song comes to an end an be disappointed. This song almost makes up for "Lollipop." Almost.

M83 - We Own the Sky When this song is paired with the epicness of the snowboard film "That's It, That's All" it redefines epic. I think French people are just genetially predesposed to me make dope ambient music. Keep plowin' indeed.

Estelle - American Boy Maybe I'm partial because I want to make deep pasionate love to Estelle, but this was a great track for the summer. Even Kanye showing up and sounding like an asshole doesn't diminish it. Is there a way to not boogie to this song when it comes on? Answer: No.

Little Brother - Never Leave Yeeeeeeeah. Best Donut/Cocaine verse ever. And Justus for All was a repackaged mixtape from 2006, but it is still on point. These guys never fail to make me laugh my ass off while listening to some dope beats.

Kid Cudi Vs Crookers - Day 'N' Nite Off the best mixtape of the year, A Kid Named Cudi, I firmly believe this dude will fill the hole that Kanye has left after going off the deep end and making bullshit, boring, music for robots.

Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) Oh shut up, you know you love it. Everytime I see this video I suddenly really really really want to be Jay-Z.

Q-Tip - Won't Trade Yes. Yes. Sweet God yes. Q-Tip hasn't missed a step since he's become an elderstatesmen of hip hop. His album The Renaissance is incredibly dope and I encourage all to cop that shit as quickly as possible. But this was the best cut off the album, this being a close second.

Nas - Hero One of the most underated tracks of the year, I thought this song was incredible. I've been waiting for a minute for Nas to spit something on some sort of innovative beat. And while Untitled was a sub par album offering, this track and "Queens Get That Money" give me hope that Nas can still spit the realest shit over provocative beats. I'm just going to have to wait a very long time before he can package it all together in an album again.

N.E.R.D. - Everyone Nose Is it bad that I want to get with every girl in this video? No matter. Probably the hypest track of the year by far. Seeing Sounds did not disappoint.

A MERRY KWANZAA TO ALL!! SUCK IT!!

It's the reincarnation of Raekwon in an apron

2008-12-14T22:05:00.000-08:00

Hip Hop & Eggs_Episode 2:
hip hop & eggs_episode 2 from hip hop & eggs on Vimeo. Hip hop & Eggs t-shirt coming in the '09!

Is there anything better than blasting Jay-Z's "Ignorant Shit" as loud as possible in your car with your windows down while driving through LA when it is 75 degrees in December?

No.

I worked till 5am last night. It sucked. The one good thing that came out of it is that my writing partner Matt and I slowly devolved into blasting the worst late 90's music louder than God ever intended. It started innocently enough with me playing Kid Rock's "Bawitaba" as a joke. It was a slippery slope.

Kid Rock begat Limp Bizkit.
Limp Bizkit begat Korn.
Korn begat P.O.D.
P.O.D. begat The Toadies.
The Toadies begat Harvey Danger.
Harvey Danger begat Powerman5000.
Powerman5000 began Static-X.
Static-X begat Disturbed.
Disturbed begat The Spin Doctors (I don't know how that happened).
The Spin Doctors begat Godsmack (also unsure how this happened).

However, there were few choice gems that revealed themselves over the night. Example 1: The words "Silverchair," and "Frogstomp" were lost from my vocabulary since the 6th grade until last night. I cried tears of joy.

Example 2:

Example 3: This song is still fucking awesome.

And of course the classic Example 4: 10th grade defined.

Example 5:Oh Drowning Pool. I wonder if when they wrote this song they intended it to be used in every action movie trailer from that day forth. After the :10 mark the video just gets fucking exponentially awesomer and awesomer.

About 3% of the music I listened to in high school is what I listen to today. Which is sad. But it still makes for good comedy. I also downloaded Boyz II Men's Greatest Hits (dope!). The best part of Boyz II Men is the one guy who comes in on every song to deliver the spoken monologue. Case in point, mark 5:54 where in this video he begins talking to a painting of his woman, imploring:

"Baby, I'm sorry. Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done. Please come back home girl. I know you put all your trust in me, I'm sorry I let you down. Please forgive me."

I'm pretty sure he talks to a painting in every Boyz II Men video while saying a monologue. Muthafuckaz can harmonize though. Word!

It's for the faint of heart who never get enough, gotta get tough, buckle em up, we calling guts

2008-11-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

Post-election round-up!

This was by far the best announcement I saw on TV last week.
Jon Stewart, the one guy who kept me sane the past 8 years, looked the most relieved. I guess there's only so many "Dick Cheney = Darth Vader" jokes one man can do. But the reaction of the crowd is possibly the closest thing that I felt Tuesday night. A lot of people have been speculating on the future of the Daily Show.

Here's an interesting article.

I think The Colbert Report will be able to shift better that The Daily Show can. Stewart's contract expires 2010, and at that point he may want to call it quits. He has always said that the writers for the show get their material from the absurdity of the system, but "it'll be hard to top this bunch" that was just in office. But the absurdity provided by cable news and the Sean Hannitys of the world could keep the Daily Show in life support for a while longer.

A few observations...

Watching the modern Republican Party implode, awesome.

Prop 8 getting passed, disappointing.

Pumpkin pie, delicious.

And this, in my humble opinion, was the best video of the entire political season.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

"BE-CAAAAAME A LAWYER-SISTIBLEEEEEEE!"

Fuck talkin bout the recession, its just depressin, I rock wit Obama, but I ain't no politician

2008-11-03T11:28:00.000-08:00

Vote for change everyone! Hahahaahahahiahoi;fbrw;bg;wr/blrwbleMB

This past weekend I volunteered at a phone bank in Venice for Barack Obama. It was hopetastic. I arrived and was given a crash course in calling etiquette to voters in Nevada with my two other fellow shift volunteers, a 40-something white guy named Tim and a 60-something black man named Henry. And as I sat there sandwiched between Tim and Henry hungover with my Wu-Tang shirt on, I wondered under what other political campaign could this possibly happen?

As I started making calls I very quickly realized I'd become the asshole telemarketing guy that used to call my family during dinner when I was 10. My dad would answer the phone after a day of working his ass off and listen to some jackass completely butcher his name and try to sell him long distance from MCI. He'd wait approximately 3.2 seconds before verbally ripping the guy on the other line a new one then slam the phone.

I looked at the call sheet and was very happy to discover that the volunteer coordinators must've given me the call sheet for Little Vietnam in Las Vegas, with over 75 peoples names I couldn't even come close the pronouncing. After the first 10 people hung up on me, I began to wonder if maybe I tried to call and used my Indian accent I would get a different outcome. That didn't work either. This is how one conversation went...

Me: Hello, may I please speak with Mr. Ramirez?

Mr. Ramirez: Who's calling?

Me: My name is Jay Kamath, and I'm calling on behalf of Barack Obam---

Mr. Ramirez: STOP CALLING ME! YOU HEAR ME? TAKE ME OFF YOUR FUCKING LIST. I'M TIRED OF THESE CALLS! NEVER CALL ME AGAIN!

(at this point I really wanted to offer him Enzyte, the once a day tablet for natural male enhancement)

Me: OK! Thanks for your time!

Some calls went really well though. The best of the day was with a woman who was Iranian and was super excited to get a call from the campaign. She wanted all the information possible about early voting so her and her grandfather could. They left Iran during the revolution and came to this country. Maybe it wasn't the most exciting call, but it didn't make me feel like a complete pile of feces after I hung up the phone.

Other highlights of the day include the volunteer coordinator's dog humping my leg during a call.

Vote for Change.

Dead in the middle of Little Italy, little did we know that we riddled two middle men who didn't do diddly

2008-10-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

Sweet mother of God, the new Kanye album is going to suck hardcore. It's going to be just god-awful. Every leaked track I've heard sounds like Kanye trapped in the movie Tron. The worst being "Robocop." Normally I would love any song, by any artist, entitled "Robocop," but this song is just terrible. It's become pretty obvious that dude is just surrounded by yes-men in the studio, because I don't know how any music fan, let-alone a hip hop head would hear this shit and give it a thumbs up. ALBUM FAIL. I can't wait to illegally download it and then proceed to defecate on it critically.

I'm reminded of a conversation with my friend Aaron back when I was in St. Louis. We were talking about Andre 3000's The Love Below. While we both liked the album, there was a disappointment we both felt, like "Hey Andre3K, we paid to hear you rap not sing for an entire album about a break-up." And that's what we're getting with Kanye. At least this album getting trashed will maybe bring him back to rapping.

I was wrong. This might actually be really good. God I hope it is.

I like 'em brown, yellow, puerto rican, or haitian...

2008-10-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have a friend in Boulder, CO named Jason Pollock. He drew me this picture back in January. He's fucking awesome and Matt Heath and I love him.... A lot. Like more than the size of the bulge in my pants right now.

I'm not sayin I'm number one, oh I'm sorry I lied, I'm number one, two, three, four and five

2008-10-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

New Common. Universal Mind Control. Yes, it is a complete rip-off of Afrika Bambaataa's "Looking for the Perfect Beat," but it's still bumping.
common ft pharrell universal mind control from bazza168 on Vimeo I'm glad Common is moving away from another album on entirely produced Kanye stuff. Finding Forever, was good, but I think the formula was starting to get a little stale.

I think I'm starting to go a little insane right now. There is no changing of seasons here. I've been in LA about 10 months, and I think my internal clock feels like it's some kind of purgatory since there is no differentiation in time of year. Sometimes I miss rain. Sometimes I miss it being cold. Then I remember my dick feeling like it turned into an icicle during St. Louis winters, and I feel better about having it warm all the time.

More than anything I really want to learn the piano intro to B.I.G.'s "Notorious Thugs." If I was ever at a swank party and some asshole was sitting at a piano playing Mozart, I would challenge him, and counter with the intro "Notorious Thugs." He would hang his head in shame and statues would be made to commemorate my victory.

Buck shots out the sun roof of Lexus Coupes, leave no witnesses, what you think this is?

2008-09-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

Videos galore!

Been a long time coming, but BEHOLD hip hop & eggs _ episode 1.
hip hop & eggs _ episode 1 from hip hop & eggs on Vimeo. There are a bunch of hip hop cooking shows out there, but they all suck ass. My friends and I are going to try and remedy that. I had the idea for hip hop & eggs for a long time, but I guess my portfolio took precedent in grad school. Even though it was thrown together pretty quickly, I'm happy with the initial product. A lot of my thoughts on hip hop will probably bleed in between hip hop & eggs and my blog, so I'll go ahead an apologize for that. But if you know any hip hop heads who might enjoy hip hop & eggs, please spread the word. Much appreciated.

A couple of movie trailers of interest came out the past week or so. The first, Notorious, the Notorious B.I.G. biopic. Normally I'd crap myself knowing that a movie was coming out based upon the person I consider to be the greatest rapper of all time. Then I realized Puffy has production credits on the movie. And now I'm pretty sure it's gonna suck ass. Mainly because he won't allow himself to be portrayed in any negative way, so you'll only see what he wants you to see: him and Biggie being buddies and best friends. But the interesting parts of Biggie's life aren't that marketing shit Puff put out to sell albums, it's what really happened behind the scenes. It's been pretty well documented how during the recording process, Biggie HATED being in the studio with Puff. During the recording sessions of Ready to Die, Puffy was always looking over the shoulder of Biggie and what he was writing down on his lyrics pad, telling him to change shit or offering up sub par ideas. A lot of people don't realize that on Life After Death, Biggie was so gifted that he basically stopped writing rhymes down and spit of the top of his head just so Puffy couldn't interfere with his lyrics or tell him to change shit. Also, many people speak of Biggie backstage at the infamous '95 Source Awards, pissed off at Puffy for being in all his videos and songs. Then we see Suge Knight come onstage and basically lay out an argument for B.I.G. to leave Bad Boy Records. Now, a lot of this can't be confirmed, but it'd be awesome if those tensions in their relationship were explored rather than them being bestest friends in the whole wide world. Challenge what I think about the man.

The second trailer is W., by Oliver Stone. Now for a long time I thought this movie was going to be a liberal director shitting on the worst president in history. It might still do that, but not in a Michael Moore-way. At least I think it will be a interesting presentation of how this colossal fuck-up we call the President of the United States became the person who he is.

Third, what seems to be the redemption of Kevin Smith (about damn time) in Zack and Miri Make a Porno. This actually looks pretty funny. And Elizabeth Banks is incredibly hot. But I don't like how Kevin Smith basically took all the characters from a Judd Apatow movie and put them in his script. Seems like a massive case of borrowed interest. But maybe I shouldn't be complaining, this will be the first original funny movie Kevin Smith has made in 7 years. And I was 18 years old when I thought Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was hilarious.

Lastly, new Q-tip? Yes please.
Q-Tip - Gettin' Up from Deviation on Vimeo. This track is incredible. I've been listening to Amplified non-stop since I saw Rock the Bells in San Francisco back in August. So excited for the new album, The Renaissance. So much wack hip hop out right that maybe this new album will keep me sane a little while longer.

Them jeans is a slim shady, brought them back from the 80's, now let's make some babies

2008-09-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Estelle,

I love you. I like the way you dance. You seem to like to boogie. I dig that. Your voice is incredible. You're like a British Lauryn Hill. I'm thinking of buying some shell toes in the off chance I might see you in LA and I can impress you. You'll see them and then check me out thinking "My, that unhealthily-skinny-looking Indian man is quite handsome." Even though none of my ex-girlfriends talk to me anymore, I can assure you I'm not a complete failure as a boyfriend. I promise. Kind of. But you can't be mad. I forgave you for putting Kanye on "American Boy." We all make mistakes. It's water under the bridge. Call me.

Love,

Jay

No one on the corner gotta bop like this, can't wear skinny jeans cuz my nuts don't fit

2008-08-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

I KNOW FAMOUS PEOPLE!!!! HAHAHAHASHAAHOHOHFFANgk;sbgh;sh!!! Until last Friday, the only celebrity encounters I had in LA were Gary Busey cutting me off in traffic and seeing Jonah Hill at a Lightspeed Champion Show. Luckily though, I went to go see Point Break Live with my good friend Mike. For those those who don't know, it is a theatrical production reenacting the movie Point Break . Before every show, they pick someone in the audience to audition for the part of Keanu Reeves, or "Special Agent Johnny Utah." After failing to convince Mike to come onstage to audition with me, I went up by myself. I was able to win the crowds support by reenacting a Keanu Reeves part in scene from A Walk in the Clouds ("VICTOOORRRRIAAAAA!!!!!").

It was so much fun. A really cute stangehand runs around with you directing you where to go with cue cards telling you what to say. Half the time I was onstage I was laughing at the other people acting who were a part of the troupe. Really hilarious. Fake blood. Gun fights. Fist fights. And skydiving. Yes, I was suspended in a harness at one point. But halfway through the show I was backstage, and one of the stagehands tells me Kirsten Dunst is in the audience. They also tell me that Justin Long is there. So after the show they come backstage and I get to meet them. Even though Kirsten Dunst looked like she did my weight in cocaine before coming, I still wanted to make with her. After hitting myself in the crotch repeatedly to prevent myself from making any "Die Hard 4" jokes, I learned that Justin Long is actually a really nice guy as well.

After the show and having a couple of beers with the cast and getting a free point break live t-shirt, Mike and I walked back to my car. I sat in my car for a second wondering what the fuck just happened. Mike and I headed back to Venice to drink and talk about movies and his script. It was one of best nights I've had in LA thus far.

Now that I have a picture of me with famous people, I'm one step closer to starting my own cool hip dive bar where the way to the restrooms are lined with pictures of me and famous people. Here is me with a picture of a guy who kinda looks like Lorenzo Lamas. The dream is almost realized....

So I'm going to be taking little break from blogging to work on a side project I've been putting off since May. Not that I've been blogging much anyways, but they'll probably be shorter, condensed versions of me being a jackass.

Guilty, of dropping these bombs in the city, but I'm innocent, love is a motive, that's why I'm killin em

2008-08-09T20:46:00.000-07:00

Um, commence "Jay-shitting-himself" sequence. Blueprint 3? Yes. Sweet God yes.

Guess who's bizzack?

So. A lot of things have happened since I realized Tha Carter III is a turd disguised as a good rap album.

1) The first being my brother got married. I went back home to the bustling metropolis of Augusta, GA for about a week. It was awesome. It was so good to get to see my family again. My brother and his new wife, Harshita, will be moving to San Francisco soon. It'll be incredible having my brother on the west coast. Hopefully I'll be able to see him more often. I won't front, it's kinda strange, him being married. For a majority of my life I've always looked up to my brother as being the person who establishes the benchmarks that I need to meet. High school, college, jobs. But marriage seems like this crazy thing in the distance for me. So it's strange for me to see him cross that threshold when I have no clue when I'll be. If that makes any sense.

2) I went to Denver for a Foo Fighters concert at Red Rocks that ended up being cancelled because Dave Grohl's immune system is apparently that of a new born baby. But besides that, the trip was awesome. I got to see my good friend Harrison, seen here: I haven't seen Harrison since graduation. Let alone on a dinosaur. So that was awesome. I also got to see my friend Dan as well. For some bullshit reason, my computer is letting me post more pictures. But I will next post. I hadn't seen Dan since 2005. So it was awesome getting to see him. We talked about a lot of things, mainly Rick Ross. Super smart kid though. I always knew he was gonna tear shit up. And he's sculpting the minds of tomorrow. Robot House indeed.

3) There was some other shit I wanted to talk about when I started this entry, but I'm not. Mainly because every time I've had the urge to make this an emotional outlet, I decided not to. And it's always been the right decision. So.... yeah.

Holy shit. I've always been a huge Clipse fan, so maybe I'm biased, but Pusha kills this song.
And, last thing...

This woman is so sexy it hurts. 37% Scarlett Johanson. 40% Christiane Amanpour, 23% I want to marry her. South African accent... Yes please.

Raise Hell, Hell’s risen, call me young Raekwon I’m a chef in Hell's Kitchen

2008-06-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

I got a copy of Tha Carter III Monday. I've been bumping it this whole week. Before I review it though I have to say that I'm a fan of Lil' Wayne, but not in the sense of the fans who think this dude is the next coming of Christ on the microphone. A lot of the these people choose to forget about our first introduction to a Lil' Wayne solo offering, "Tha Block Iz Hot." Lil' Wayne, like all the Cash Money Millionaires and No Limit Soldiers, put our pretty disposable hip hop in the late 1990's. Which over time become comedy, like a Paul Wall today. Hip hop that is so bad that it's good. So I remember this about Weezy. It was hard not to forget. Even when my friend Ron gave me the Dedication 2 mixtape, an album that received universal acclaim by hip hop critics and fans (me included), I still had my reservations. Because of what I remember thinking when I first heard Lil' Wayne in 1999.

That being said, in my mind, this album had a couple strikes against it before it even dropped. The album cover is stupidest shit I've ever seen. Just terrible. Strike one. The single released "Lollipop" was very disappointing. If I want to listen to any other artist in any genre using that fucking T-Pain-cyborg-voicebox shit then I'll turn on the radio at any point in the last 6 months. Dude doesn't even rap on the track. moreover shit is SOFT. What happened to rappers releasing singles like B.I.G.'s "Hypmotize?" Shit was HARD. And it can still set off any party/club. Instead we have Weezy semi-singing for 4.5 minutes of garbage. Strike two. To top it off, this album was the most over hyped thing I can recall in sometime. Which usually mean its going to suck balls.

I do admire Lil' Wayne. Dude is one the few rappers who can rap his ass off. And does. Frequently. Which make me think he spent his best material on mixtapes over the past few years, leading to the underwhelming Carter III. The album is decent. Nowhere close to meeting expectations we've created for it. This album is one of the few times where the beats seem to body Weezy rather than the other way around. His stream of conscious flow seems to wander between lazy and rhymes that I could've written in 6th grade, ("I'm rare, like Mr. Clean with hair!"), unlike Ghostface's flow which only elevates the lyrical energy o n the track. Wayne sometimes sounds like he's actually about to fall asleep on the track. But there are some incredible moments on the album lyrically, and musically. But the hype have built this emcee has Jay-Z's replacement, when this album is on par with Kingdom Come. Or (allow me to further make the Weezy/Jay-Z comparison) this is Lil' Wayne's Hard Knock Life...Vol. 2. Like Vol. 2, C3 was bred for one purpose, to crossover to the mainstream. I was fucking shocked pitchfork gave this album 8.7. They should maybe take some time and take out Lil' Wayne genitals from their mouth, because they mght hear the album better then. But here we go, track by track crtical beatdown. Tracks out of 5 starts.

1. 3 Peat (***1/2) - Good solid intro. Although it sounds like it could've been the intro to Tha Carter II, Weezy sets a good lyrical bar for the rest of the album. Not the best Cool&Dre beat, but I'll buy it.
2. Mr. Carter ft. Jay-Z (***) - "Hello Brooklyn" wasn't the most stellar track off American Gangster. So I wasn't expecting great things fro mthis track. And it's pretty sub-par offering by both emcees. You think it would make both want to blackout on the track. But you wait for it, and it never happens. Hello Brooklyn is better.
3. A Milli (*****) - Bass rattling, Southern, heavy-as-shit beat that Wayne tears apart. 1st verse in particular. Cotdamn. Wayne at his rambling best.
4. Got Money ft. T-Pain (**1/2) - This song got 2 1/2 as opposed to 2 because of the Winn-Dixie reference at the beginning. T-Pain shows up to sound like an assface.
5. Comfortable ft. Babyface (**1/2) - Babyface makes his first appearance on a hip hop track since Jay-Z's horrible "Always Be My Sunshine" on In My Lifetime, Vol. 1. 0 for 2 asshole.
6. Dr. Carter (*****) - The best track on the album. Swizz Beatz provides an incredible track with beatuiful horn swells that accompany Wayne's escalating rhymes perfectly. The simplicity of the swing beat and walking bass line really let the rhymes and concept shine. Classic shit.
7. Phone Home (****) - I can't figure out if this is good good or bad good. It has elements of both. It is genuinely hilarious though. David Banner provides a hard beat for Lil' Wayne to explain why he is a Martian. Pretty fucking brilliant.
8. Tie My Hands ft. Robin Thicke (**1/2) - Eh. I'm pretty sure this was already a 50 Cent song.
9. Mrs. Officer ft. Bobby Valentino (*) - Worst attempt at a chorus trying to simulate a police siren... EVER.
10. Let the Beat Build (***1/2) - A great beat. Awesome sample. But Wayne is super lazy on this shit. Rhymes just get boring after a while. This would've been better on Kanye's Graduation. Still a good track though, even if the beat does outshine Weezy.
11. Shoot Me Down (*****) - Another Kanye beat that was a throw-away from Graduation. Great song though. Finally Wayne raps over a somewhat interesting beat rather than recycled pop bullshit.
12. Lollipop ft. Static Major (*) - Fuck you.
13. La La ft. Brisco and Busta Rhymes (*) - Christ the song sucks. David Banner is a great producer, but this is possibly the stupidest shit I've ever heard behind "Lollipop." This song alone is the argument that this album is not a classic.
14. Playin with Fire (***) - Decent.
15. You Ain't Got Nuthin ft. Fabolous and Juelz Santana (***) - You know an album isn't that great when Fabolous has the best verse on the entire album. And he does. Of course he's trying so hard to be Jay-Z I think ou can hear him scream "HOV!" at some point.
16. Dontgetit (**1/2) - This track should be sued in s PSA for kids not to do drugs. Lil' Wayne rambles for about 10 minutes spouting inane babble about Al Sharpton. He makes up words and sounds like a borderline crack head. Great way to close out a mediocre album!

I'm kinda like W. E. B. Du Bois, meets Heavy D & the Boyz

2008-06-08T02:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen this movie yet. It had a limited showing in Los Angeles, but because I suck at life I missed it. But god damn it looks fucking awesome. Seeing this trailer reminded me of a story I heard on NPR back in March.

Hey. Asshole. Listen to this. It'll only take you 5 minutes. 5 minutes of you not looking up stupid shit on the internet. Actually, it's an audio clip, so you can still look at your stupid bullshit while listening.

Art in this country sometimes is the most pretentious bullshit I've ever seen. Just terrible, terrible stuff.... artists taking themselves way too seriously.

My point is that there aren't too many artists in this country who'd be willing to paint a blast wall if there was a sniper about to take them out. Having the will to do that is fucking art.

On another note, my friend Mike has a blog with advertisements on it. One of which I saw was for the movie "Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins!" starring Martin Lawrence. Needless to say, Mike is now dead to me.

On another note, this remix is incredible. You're welcome.

On another note, the funniest part of the movie Juno for me was the van. Just seeing that van. I haven't seen it since 1996. It was awesome then and it's awesome now.

I'm rollin down Rodeo with a shotgun, these people ain't seen a brown skin man since their grandparents bought one

2008-05-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

From the vault, starring Dan Larremore, Jim Wegener, and Sam "High Hampton" Barclay. I made this video four years ago with the help of my friends when I was still at Wash U. It still makes me laugh my ass off, but I'm not too sure if it's just because it's a video of my friends and I being idiots. Come to think of it, I used this as part of my portfolio as entrance into the Adcenter... How the fuck did I get accepted. I find it incredibly bizarre it's been a year since I've graduated.

My friend Dan (who played Nerd #1 in "The Ragetos Saga") left me a lengthy voice mail this weekend about crows. Fascinating!

Also, I came home drunk Saturday and decided to watch James Cameron's Aliens and almost shit myself from the intensity of the film. Awesome!

On a different note than me shitting myself from fear, I wonder when Hollywood is going to make a Beatles biopic. I jotted the thought down in my moleskin the other day. It was interesting trying to think of contemporary actors who could pull it off. Obviously there are hundreds of books on the Beatles, filled with in-depth detail and personal accounts that would shed light on the inner workings of the greatest band ever. But I'm too lazy to read all that shit. I'd rather see some asshole think he/she can pull it off in a 1 hour 45 minute movie and watch them fail miserably. Or miraculously pull it off.

I've been bumping the new Roots album Rising Down this week. A very solid piece of work, with a surprising guilty pleasure at the end of the album. I'm enjoying it more than Game Theory, even though that was a great album. Game Theory seemed to get stuck in long intros, outros, and instrumental interludes that messed up the pace of the album. Rising Down has a dark brevity to it that really packs a bigger punch than any other recent Roots' offering. Cop that shit!

These fucks, too lazy to make up shit, they crazy, they don't paint pictures, they just trace me

2008-05-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

72 & $$$

Two spots that have came out of 72 & Sunny this month. Even though I had nothing to do with either of them, I must say it made me damn proud to be part of an agency of 45 people who can pull off shit like this. Dope. The real (and maybe only) bar of advertising is being able to show your work to your non-advertising friends and not have them want to beat the living shit out of you with your own shoes. I feel these spots clear that bar.

The past three week have been fucking nuts.

Everything culminated with a business pitch that happened today. But in the past two weeks I was able to see some pretty fucking dope shows. The first was Jay-Z & Mary J. Blige's Heart of the City Tour. I saw them at the Hollywood Bowl. Dope venue. Mary J. Blige was somewhat fucking unbelievable. At one point she did a scat that will be the closest thing I'll ever get to hearing Ella Fitzgerald live. Jay-Z was great. Amazing back up band.

But the Glow in the Dark Tour took the cake. Last Tuesday I went to the Nokia Center to see Kanye West, N.E.R.D., and Lupe Fiasco perform as well as be a part of the largest congregation of Nike Dunks in the history of mankind. Lupe was eh. N.E.R.D. fucking killed it. And Kanye put on one of the best hip hop shows I've ever seen. I was also probably the best high school play I've ever seen as well. The storyline, effects, and performance were incredible. The basic premise is that Kanye is an alien who crash lands on earth and performs on a spaceship for about an 1-2 hours. Brilliant. I shit on Kanye a lot because I've always hated how he thinks he's the first to discover anything he discovers. Be it design, film, or whatever. He's easy to make fun of. But I can't deny the man's passion for music. Highlight of the night: "Through the Wire." Still haven't found a video on youtube that does it justice.

Cotdamn!

And I sport fly shit, I should win an ESPYYYYYY

2008-04-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

Motherfucker, if two minutes ago I heard about oil hitting an all time high, then I know the next time the price rises it'll be at an all time high asshole. You don't need to broadcast this everytime the price of oil goes up. I'll kill you.

Hey everyone!

Because I'm so fucking awesome at blogging, I've started another blog with my three best friends. Here is a little introduction if you don't know the authors. Jay - God I'm awesome.

William - Jesus trapped in the body of a half French/half British child.

Andrew - An accountant working in Jacksonville, FL who is 11% gay. Andrew has been known to get drunk and then write letters to Harry Potter. He likes cars! Vroom!

Mike - A film graduate student who knows more about film than any other human being, super computer, or cyborg with a super computer's knowledge of film. Also, an asshole!

Read all our stupid inane bullshit here.

It'll be just like this blog, but you get to see me argue with my friends over and over again about shit you care even less about. Add us to your blog roll!

My peers are ferocious, I'm so focused, I pray to God that the world knows this

2008-03-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

The best in guerrilla advertising.
And this song is fucking incredible. This is a screen capture of someone playing the interactive music video game for MGMT's song "Electric Feel". Apparently, there are 625 to the 229th power different ways the video can turn out. Check it out at whoismgmt.com/efvideo. Acid optional. MGMT's album "Oracular Spectacular" kept me sane as I worked this entire weekend. Dance! Dance! Dance! Awesomeness.

Nick Nolte.

I'm Magic with the pen, I'm Jordan in the booth, I'm Melo with the flow, Lebron I'm the truth

2008-03-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

NEW ROOTS. SICK. Um, afro pick USB thumb drives? Yes please. Black Thought drops some of his best rhymes ever. Game Theory was an excellent album, but my problem with The Roots has always really been with Black Thought. I could never really listen to him for an entire album. His rhymes just always sound the same, no matter what track he's on. I mean, how many times can someone rhyme "My people let's get free" with something else in one song? Answer: 2,344 times. Not saying that he isn't a good emcee, he is. He just lacks the versatility of some of my favorite rappers. Or maybe it's because I always hear him over ?uestlove's pseudo-psychedelic/organic beats and just make him appear to sound the same. Nonetheless, this track is dope.

My good friend Reena sent me something in the mail the other day. This is a bookmark that I made in 2nd grade for my class. You can click on it for a larger view. Although I do applaud my 8-year-old self for using the yellow medium of construction paper to it's advantage by portraying characters from The Simpsons, this piece fails on several levels. Firstly, Bart appears to have six fingers on his left hand. Are we to believe this is some different, mutated Bart Simpson? Ridiculous. It also appears he is reading a two-page book entitled "How to get Rich!" Surely a book with that vast a topic must have more substance than two pages! And shouldn't Homer be happy his son is trying to further himself by becoming an entrepreneur? This bookmark doesn't seem like it is based in reality at all. "Read Dudes!" is also a cheap way to use a popular sitcom as a vehicle of borrowed interest to get my fellow classmates to read. What kind of sellout bullshit is that?... What I'm sure I meant to be hairs on Homer's bald head look like bird shit/worms of sorts. Also, Homer appears to have five thumbs.

To top it off, some bastard left out the "n" and added an "h" to the end of my name. I don't remember, but this bookmark may well be the exact point where I told myself "Fuck this. These people are never going to say 'Jayant' right. From now on I'll just be known as... The Phantom."

I bought some shoes today. Say hello to the Zoom Classic SBs. $$$. And although in the Pac-10 I'm more of a UCLA fan, the USC colors were too dope to pass up.

I'll leave you all with the wedding advice I'll give to my children when they get married: "If you are ever in a DJ battle, play this song, and you will emerge victorious."

I blow smoke to the heaven I'm so close to perfection, Rap's one big casino I'm plotting Ocean Eleven

2008-03-06T04:38:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure Gary Busey cut me off in traffic on my way to work today.

I almost got really angry. Almost. But then I realized that Mr. Busey had put on film which had to be the greatest monologue in history that I would surely use if I were to ever to audition for a part in theater or for film. If you aren't familiar with "Surviving the Game," starring Ice-T, you're dead to me.

This is my friend Luke humping himself in New York City. The picture was e-mailed to me today by his girlfriend. I fell out of my seat laughing when I saw it. It made me miss my friends from Adcenter... a lot.

I really haven't come to grips with the facts it's March yet. What the fuck just happened? The past 9 months have been a blur. I could've sworn I graduated last week.

The Wire ends on Sunday. I need to figure out what my next netflix fix will be. Six Feet under looks promising. Maybe Curb Your Enthusiasm. But then again, I'm a huge fucking nerd and have started netflixing Batman: The Animated Series. That, and I just realized my screen name is "rastapunk782."

I've been up for 48 hours. I can't feel my face. But the deck for our Nike pitch is complete. My creative director just told me to take the next two days off. Think I might head to Vegas.

The Mariano of the Mariott, if money talks the whole world's about to hear me out

2008-02-25T23:36:00.000-08:00

I have an intricate two part plan to piss off people in LA.

1) Grow mustache.
2) Play Billy Ocean's "Get Out of My Dreams, Get into My Car" as loud as humanly possible from my car speakers whenever I drive anywhere. Yo, this video is FUCKED UP! Actually, if you mute the video, the first 15 seconds looks like a mood piece where Billy Ocean is about to pull out an AK and regulate on someone. Dramatic!

Other than me trying to inflict sonic/visual pain onto the people of this fair city, things are going well in LA. My apartment no longer looks like a crack head is storing all his shit in it. The area is starting to actually beginning to reflect the weather it's famous for (pictures to come soon). My coworkers like my work and have also noted my growing Halo 3 skillz (suck it). A lot of friends and family coming in the next month. A lot of great music on the horizon. Life is good.

RANDOM OBSERVATION: There is something nice about being in this city where you know there are great creative endeavors happening in the ether, yet being able to stay aloof enough that you aren't affected by the countless dreams shattered in this town hourly. Enough inspiration to make some moves and not enough connections to have your soul shat on. Awesome!

And it ain't about chivalry, it's about dope lyrics and delivery

2008-02-21T23:41:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! Great news! I just learned today that 72 & Sunny is in the immediate blast radius of the oil refinery down the street! Hahahahahaoaihfoioghos! It's good to know that if something were to happen my final thoughts will be "Hey, I wonder what this headline will look like in a zany font. Why is my flesh burning off?" Here's an overhead view. Click on it to get a better idea!
The oil refinery is actually quite beautiful at night. Even if it kinda looks like the Joker's hideout from the original Batman.

I can guess what you're thinking "Jay! Two entries in one week?" I know. I'm blogging the living shit out of the internet.

I missed the part when it stopped being about Imus

2008-02-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

Listening to Rage Against the Machine while doing any mundane task makes it seem so much more epic. Case in point, laundry. And as I ironed today listening to "Killing in the Name," I felt like I was that Zapatista guerrilla fighter who pulled bitch/laundry duty that week in the jungles of Mexico.

It's awesome that 72 pays me in animal crackers and discarded tire parts, but I did two stupid things the other day that made me even more broke. Using the ticketmaster online animal cracker/discarded tire parts barter option, I was able to get tickets to two awesome shows. Commence creaming pants sequence. Engage.

So even though I'll have to eat Fruit Loops for every meal the next 3 years, I'm really psyched I'll be seeing these two concerts in the span of a week in April. For the Kanye Tour, I think I'm more excited to see N.E.R.D. than Kanye. I assume Kanye's part of the show will be him converting his stage set to a desert then driving around in it in a Lamborghini for an hour and a half with his window down screaming about Louis Vutton. But after seeing the Grammys I'm sure it's gonna be a ridiculous show. And it'll just be fucking awesome to see Jay-Z, one of my favorites of all time, at the Hollywood Bowl. Everyone says thats a pretty sick venue. And Mary J Blige. Even though I'm not too familiar with her catalogue, I will try my best to go backstage and convince her to marry me.

***WARNING, ONLY CONTINUE READING IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE OF JAY'S THOUGHTS ON MUSIC THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT***

I'm pretty sure (like 98.398% sure) that this is the most beautiful song ever made. I don't even know what Ms. Edith Piaf is saying. I don't want to know. But it feels like home. (Insert "Jay is French joke" here, zing!)

A close second is Lauryn Hill's "To Zion." I have no link to the song here, but I just wanted to post a picture of Ms. Hill for us all to look at. Good god man... I have no words. Just... make love to me.

And a closer third is the Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Maps." And even though the vocal and lyrical stylings of the song are incredible, I think the percussion is what makes the song truly beautiful.

Of course this is all complete bullshit and bereft of any kind of factual support, but my sense of nostalgia makes me feel like it's an informed opinion. Whatever that means. But I think you understand.

I was rapping when you were in jammies, Mel Gibson flow, Lethal Weapon, book 'em Danny

2008-02-10T16:00:00.001-08:00

Last summer I took a road trip with my three best friends* through the South. The highlight of the trip for me (other than walking around downtown Memphis at 3:00 am looking for White Castle while trying not to get shot) was going to The Muhammad Ali Center in Louisville, Kentucky. I had meant to watch this movie when I got home from the trip, but I didn't get to it until this past weekend. The movie was incredible. Definitely the best sports movie I've ever seen (which led me to the thought that any documentary about an epic sporting event would most likely be better than an adapted dramatic interpretation of said event that was "based on the true story!"). Shot beautifully. Narration, told by recollections of journalists, musicians, and filmmakers, was perfect. Amazing music performances by James Brown and B.B. King. There were two quotes from the movie by Norman Mailer that I particularly enjoyed.

"Ali has very good sparring partners. Larry Holmes was one of his sparring partners. I was struck with how well he handled Ali in their sparring sessions. He dominated Ali. And that wasn't uncommon. Ali would very often not show his best stuff with his sparring partners, but in fact would work on his weaknesses. He'd go against the ropes and let people pummel him. Very heavy hitters who were sorta clumsy, he'd let them bang away at him. It was as if he wanted to train his body to receive these messages of punishment and absorb them faster than other fighters could absorb them." - Norman Mailer

"He stayed up all night (after defeating Foreman) from what I heard. In the morning he spoke to African groups who had come as delegations to seem him. And they more than revered him. He was a god. And he spoke to them that day, very simply and very beautifully. He said 'Afro Americans in America... We're not as good as you are. Some of us are richer than you are. But you have a dignity in your poverty that we don't have. We are spoiled in America, we have lost what you still have in Afirca. And you must keep that. And he spoke very gently. And I thought My Lord, on top of everything, this man is a political leader.'" - Norman Mailer

When I left the Ali Center I was very moved by the stance Ali made on civil rights and opposing the war in Vietnam. Not just the stances he took but the fact that he risked his career to take those stances. And it finally occurred to me (I'm kinda slow like that) after watching the movie that the greatness of Ali is surely about the opinions he voiced in the tense social climate he was in in the 1960's, but it's also because he is still the only lone figure in the sports pantheon to do so. 40 years later no one has put their career on the line like this man did. What if all athletes today were like this man? What if they all took a moral stand on the social and global debates of our day? What if the entire roster of NBA All-Star team boycotted the league and were like "We're not playing to bring attention to the rising amount of gang violence in the inner cities today." These guys make more money than god and the media gives them such a large megaphone for their voices, but they choose not to alienate fans, team owners, the sports establishment or endorsement deals**. But t would be hard to escape the cultural impact if they just all took a stance on something. I'm... not... too sure... how to end this entry...

(Cue Benny Hill Theme Song)

------------
*How do I define a best friend? During the trip one of my friends made an offbeat reference to the 1996 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Eraser. Based on the reference we unanimously agreed to cut our road trip short and head back a day early so we could go back to Raleigh, get drunk and watch Eraser. I know few other human beings with that dedication to shitty movies.

**I know, I know, this coming from the guy who worked on Nike.

And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready, to see a black President

2008-02-05T18:17:00.001-08:00

Happy Super Tuesday.Compliments of Shepard Fairey.

Writin' names on my hollow tips, plottin' shit

2008-01-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

I apologize. Not for my infrequent postings, but for the new pair of pants you're going to have to buy after creaming yourself from the sheer awesomeness of this post.

Sick.
It has been too long since the last N.E.R.D. album. Fly or Die was good, but not as good as In Search of.... I really dig this new song. Great bass line, that signature Neptunes synth, and a cocaine metaphor every 7.3 seconds. Dance! Dance! Dance!

Sicker.
I'm still waiting for the day that the Clipse make a song about cocaine that makes me sick of hearing about how to make cocaine/what geographical locations cocaine is dealt/large mammals that have an equivalent weight to the amount of cocaine they deal/the consequences of freebasing cocaine into your eyeball/all other cocaine references possible in modern language. But they haven't yet. And even though the We Got It 4 Cheap, Vol. 3 album cover looks like it was designed by a 2nd grader the first time he/she used photoshop, I eagerly await its release. Eghck!

Sickest. Zoo York has teamed up with Def Jam to release 500 limited edition Ghostface Killah The Big Doe Rehab boards starting today. Santa IS real!

On another note, The Wire is the greatest TV show ever made. No. You're wrong. I'm right. No, it IS better than M*A*S*H. It IS better than The Simpsons. And that's coming from a guy that, if you look closely, you'll realize 97% of the jokes I make are in some way rooted in a Simpsons reference. So if you haven't watched The Wire yet, netflix that shit starting with season one and get on it. Modern day American cinematic brilliance.

I'm working my balls off at 72 and Sunny, but I'm having a good time. Unless work gets fucking insane (and it may have already passed that point), I'm gunning for a post once a week. Fresh for '08 you suckas! $$$.

Shackles on my forearm, runnin with this gun in my palm

2008-01-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

Q: Why is it every time I go to open the trunk of my car in LA I feel like there is going to be a dead prostitute inside it?

A: Hollywood magic!

Now that I got that off my chest, there is something that has been troubling me the last few weeks or so. I don't normally talk about politics on my web log, but I find myself coming to a lot of realizations.

If Hillary Clinton wins the nomination, I don't think change will be coming to the political system in our country for a very long time. If she wins you can guarantee that the next 4-8 years are just going to be flip flopped, with FOX news attacking the president instead of defending the office and the Democrats being weak bastards trying to defend the president instead of attacking the office. I'm so tired of this shit. Everyone is. I don't want to give Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, and Bill O'Reilly a reason to recharge and to whine about shit. I want them to shut the fuck up. And I believe Barack Obama is the best way to move past all that garbage. If Hillary wins, I'm guessing you're going to see a reinvigorated GOP that (you guessed it!) will nominate a Jeb Bush in 4 to 8 years. You might be thinking, "But Jay, Dubya was such an awful president, the Republicans won't renominate a Bush anytime soon." As a people I think we forget so easily and a lot of times are stupid. So I have a bad feeling about it. And I don't want to re-hash the bullshit of 1992 - 2008 for another 16 years.

As the past 8 terrible years wore on, the Clinton legacy as president has seemed to ascend more and more to Christ-like status amongst liberals. Now, the more I look at the Clintons, the more I hate them. Every time I hear Hillary talk I can't help but feel she wants to be president because she feels like it's her turn, that she deserves it. Fuck that. This "win-at-any-cost, let me cry in NH" shit (which I think was just a calculated move to manipulate the female voting demographic, which should be an insult to feminists everywhere) made me throw up a little in mouth. Apparently, robots can cry. Fucking T-800* was selling us short. Also wasn't it like 6 months ago that Bill Clinton was on the Daily Show plugging his book talking about being a global citizen, respect in politics, and "Giving?" I was like "yeah, right on Bill!" Where the hell is that guy now? Now he's just talking shit, being angry all the time. I think he has realized Obama can be even more of a trans formative figure than he was in '92, effectively supplanting his legacy. It's no longer about his wife now, it's about him. Which leads him to turn into the Hulk. A good way to sum up my point is this: I can't help but feel that these "Obama = Muslim Satanist Natalie Holloway Killer" pamphlets are coming from the Clinton camp in some roundabout way (No? You're right, they must be coming from the Kucinich campaign!). Which means the Clintons have sunk to the Karl Rove/Swift Boat/Mccain** has a black baby tactics that explains why more people vote in American idol than for the presidency. What's even more ironic is that Clinton, who is supposed to be the champion of the African American community, if metaphorically capping Obama in his knees. So if it's Hillary vs. Mccain, I'm voting Mccain. Because I can at least respect the guy even though I disagree with him on most everything.

I'm in no way trying to equate what I do for a living to the office of the presidency. But in advertising and design, a lot of of the best ideas come from the people who are removed from the product, and have insights and a different perspective to the problem that those who have been forever entrenched in the situation fail to grasp. I strongly believe that Obama is the outside perspective we need to the problems we are facing as a country and as a people.

And if for some reason President Obama isn't the president that I believed he would be (ie... "I'm a uniter not a divider!"), I will admit I was wrong. I refuse to be the equivalent of one of these talking point, parrot neo-con idiots who will do everything short of going down on the President Bush to protect him even if it goes beyond all logic and evidence.

I feel better now.
--------------------------

* I believe I've made history by making the first Terminator 2/Hillary Clinton analogy ever.

** I've often thought how different the world would be right now if Mccain had won in 2000. It makes me want to quit advertising, go into engineering, create a flux capacitor, build a time machine... and set things right.

No beef, less talk and more action, you can roll in as a whole, we'll send you back in fractions

2007-12-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

Hello friends.

I took a job recently at an agency called 72 and Sunny thats in LA. They do some baller shit. Check out the link to the right. The agency was formed by some Wieden + Kennedy veterans who did some amazing work for Nike in the mid 90's. The greatest of which was the commercial "Good vs. Evil." I think this was the commercial that planted a seed in my mind that advertising could be awesome. I remember my brother and I talking with all our friends at tennis about this commercials and how sweet it was. I'm glad to be working for those guys. Hopefully LA will be good to me. It being beautiful everyday is a plus.

So last year I did an end of the year round up of the stuff I really liked. There is the other stuff that I've embedded in my blog this year: Kanye, Fam-Lay, CRS, or UGK. But the following will melt your face-off it's so good. Jay Kamath guaranteed.

Fat Joe ft/ R. Kelly, Lil Wayne, Birdman, T.I., Ace Mac, and Rick Ross - Make It Rain (Remix). I'm surprised Jesus Christ wasn't also featured on this remix. But this track is sick. Even R Kelly showing and sounding like an assface doesn't ruin it. This track is so sick it makes me want to have assets I can liquidate so I could then in turn have piles of money to throw at people. And this song would be playing constantly during said money throwing. M.I.A. - Boyz. This video has so much going on it visually that it gave me a stroke/orgasm/seizure all at the same time. My love/intent to marry M.I.A. has been well documented but her album Kala this year was the icing on the cake. An album which I consider to better than Arular. That's right, I said it. Any woman who can sample the Clash's "Straight to Hell" while looping gun fire over and still sound sexy has found the key to Jay Kamath's heart. I also love how the video is letterbox for no apparent reason and she has crazy shit flying through the black spaces. Awesome! Elvis Perkins - While You Were Sleeping. Elvis Perkins came to Wieden this summer to play a short concert. He played this song along with several others, but I think this was the best of his album Ash Wednesday. He is a terrific songwriter and his backup band is equally talented. Everyone should try to pick up this album if they can. Really great stuff. Little Brother - Good Clothes. No video here, which sucks because these guys are so talented and funny it would've been great. But this was the feel good summer jam I bumped to work everyday. Getback was a good album, not as great as The Minstrel Show, but still a good offering. This was the standout track. I don't know why Kanye hasn't signed these guys to G.O.O.D. music yet. He needs to stop driving cars around in the desert like a bitch and get on his shit. These guys could be legendary. Queens of the Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick. God this band is great. I was a bit disappointed by their last album, but this one was much better. This song also makes me want to kill someone while I'm listening to it while driving... Which as we all know is the hallmark of a great rock song. Lil' Wayne - Gossip. I guess I must be like everyone else on earth and give Weezy props. He has great lines, and I'm a guy who loves rappers with good punchlines. Hell, I've used shitloads of his lines as blog entry titles. But he is nothing compared to the Virginia force that is... The Clipse - Responding to Lil' Wayne. God I love it when rappers act. Case in point, mark 0:51, where Pusha turns around waiting for the camera man to ask him about Lil' Wayne. Greatness. But I love the Clipse. And the song they're making at the end of the video is fucking ridiculous. Eghck! Arcade Fire- Neon Bible. Neon Bible played in an elevator? Yes please! Amazing use of magazine rippage. These guys are incredible. Jay-Z - Roc Boys. This isn't even the best cut off of American Gangster ("Success" is!) but I had to put Jay on the list. I wish I could've done a whole album review for this album like I did for Kanye's Graduation. This album was light years above Kingdom Come. I don't know if it's a classic, like say a Blueprint, but it's damn good. I still don't think it's really a concept album as much as Jay-Z leeching onto the coolness of a Ridley Scott gangster epic starring two badasses to stay relevant. But a dope Jay-Z album? I can't complain. Common ft. D'angelo - So Far To Go. Since Common's Finding Forever is basically Kanye West trying to be J Dilla for an entire album, it's fitting that the best track was produced by Dilla and not Kanye. Originally featured on Dilla's The Shining last year (a better version I thought), Common adds some new verses to a great, laid back, sensual beat that is one of Dilla's bests. I'm also glad D'angelo came out of hiding from living with the wolves the past 7 years and dropped a hot chorus. T-Pain ft. Yung Joc - Buy You a Drank. I am ashamed to have this on my blog. But I can't front. Shit got things happening in the club. Shawty snap! Lupe Fiasco - Superstar. I don't think The Cool was as good as Food & Liquor, but this song is great. It seriously takes me about 20 seconds to get any line this guy delivers. Complex, amazing lyrics. Sad he's only gonna sell like 10,000 copies his first week while Soulja Boy is going to make $4,000,000 off ringtones. God I fucking hate Soulja Boy.

All in all, a good year. I turn 25 in a couple of days... so thats strange. But the next year will be good, if not only for this, which is so awesome it made my head explode upon viewing. I'm excited for LA though and I'm ready to do some good work. A Merry Kwanzaa to all!

And I'm back to tear it up, "Haters start your engines," I hear 'em gearing up

2007-11-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

FACT: T-Pain has a guest appearance on every single piece of recorded music in this history of recorded music.

Here are the commercials I worked on in September/October. My partner and I worked hard on them, and I'm proud of the end product. Check em out. So things didn't really work out job wise in Portland, which kinda sucks, but thats alright. So I'm back in the bustling metropolis of Augusta, GA repackaging/redesigning my book with the stuff I did in Portland, then it's back to pounding the pavement. As Young Jeezy once said, "Let's get it." Wieden was an incredible experience though, and I'm really happy I was able to work there. I'll end this post with another trophy in the series of pictures of advertising icons I've been able to take wearing my Compton hat: Ballin'.

While yall was in limbo, I raised the bar up

2007-10-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

First things first. TV on the Radio has completely reignited my love for rock. Hopefully I get to see these guys soon. Fucking brilliant. Yes, I realize I'm a few years behind on this realization. I've listened to the band before, but something clicked the past few weeks. Rock my face off.

I've been jumping on and off planes a lot recently. Going through security a lot. Getting flagged a lot. I could shave, but that would be gay. The only logical response for me is to make t-shirts I will begin to wear that just piss off you profiling pricks (alliteration! hey-ooooo!). I can't figure out which one I like better. This one seems to work better as a graphic. Yes, the "I ___________ <---- insert annoying thing here" concept has been used so much that that horse has been beaten to death, resurrected, shot in the head, resurrected, hit by a bus then shat on. But I like it. However... The word "Hamas" has such a better hit to it. Weaker graphic, but I still like it. Who wants to take a trip to Israel?!? Then again, cavity searches could suck...

Yeaaaaaah! A hip hop video! Yeah! Suck it! This was a great jam this summer. Fam-lay becomes the second emcee (after Talib) to bite the hp commerical style.

hewlett packard is so fucking gangsta. $$$.

Now can you tell me how good is my French is? Voulez vous coucher avec moi, bitches!

2007-10-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

I made a ridiculous mix for my good friend Aaron. It's so good, I titled it "Aaron, this is going to melt your face off." Yeah. Why is this mix so $$$? Because I believe it mixes Jay Kamath's past and present well. Not really though. Anyways, suck it. Track listing as follows:

1. British Sea Power - Apologies to Insect Life

2. Deltron3030 - Memory Loss

3. The Thermals - St. Rosa and the Swallows

4. CRS - Us Placers

5. Lily Allen - Nan You're a Window Shopper

6. Murs - Freak These Tales

7. Wire - Three Girl Rhumba

8. Atmosphere - The Arrival

9. Little Brother - Good Clothes

10. The Futureheads - Hounds of Love

11. Raekwon - Verbal Intercourse ft. Nas & Ghostface Killah

12. Air - Le Soleil Est Pres De Moi (Dan The Automator Remix)

13. The Clipse - Re-Up Anthem (Nick Catchdubs remix)

14. Radiohead - The National Anthem

15. Cilvaringz - Wu-Tang Martial Expert ft. The RZA

16. M.I.A. - Paper Planes

17. Fam-lay - Beeper Record ft. Pharrell

18. Boogie Down Productions - 9mm Goes Bang

19. The Clash - Clampdown

20. Ghostface Killah - Biscuits ft. Trife

Download these tracks. Commence Rock-your-face-off sequence.

Incredible:

And if you can't beat em: After losing to them, Kanye uses the same directors/animators of the Justice's "D.A.N.C.E" to make the exact same video. Great though. And Angel Melaku is fucking ridiculously gorgeous.

I wrote this in sincerity, you feelin me? Cause if they bombing for peace then I'm fucking for virginity

2007-09-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you don't usually read the titles of my blog entries, I think you should read the one above. Amazing.

I've kinda made it a point to not talk about politics on my web log. For several reasons really, the first being me trying to prevent my head from exploding from the sheer amount of anger I would have to vent. So I just talk about rap. But something happened this past week, that, for me, was a pretty incredible moment.

This past week I was lucky enough to go to Chicago and see a commercial I wrote get produced for Nike. It was a fucking great week. I forgot how awesome Chicago is. Got to see a lot of good friends. Learned a lot about the advertising business. On Saturday, our producer scored me and my creative director Shannon amazing seats to the second-to-last Cubs home game for the season. Great seats, about twenty rows away from the field. We were sitting there drinking bad beer, eating bad hot dogs, enjoying the incredible weather while watching the Cubs destroy Pittsburgh.

Later in the game, between innings Shannon and I were admiring Wrigley field. Shannon pointed out to the bleacher section at the opposite side from us and asked me, "How many people do you think are sitting out there in the bleachers?" I shrugged my shoulders (I'm pretty bad at estimating). I looked out in the distance trying to pull some number out of my ass that wouldn't make me look like an idiot. Coming up empty, I asked Shannon "I have no clue man, how many do you think are you there?" He'd been pondering while I had been, and after a few moments passed he said "I would say around 4000." I sat there thinking it had to be more, but before I could finish my thought Shannon said "That's about the amount of people we've lost in Iraq."

And for a few moments that Cubs game became something completely different to me. I looked at the faceless mass of people across the field, and almost cried. I had never really comprehended what 4000 people looked like, and it killed me. For a second, I saw all these dead soldiers in their civilian clothes just enjoying a beautiful game of baseball, on a beautiful day in Chicago. But they weren't there. They're all gone. And no one can explain what the sacrifice was for.

That's all... I had to get that off my chest.

Lauryn Hill said her heart was in Zion, I wish her heart still was in rhymin

2007-09-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

I got my hands on an advanced copy of Kanye West's Graduation last week. After bumping it a few times, I'm ready for a track by track critical beatdown.

The record is good. Solid production, but the album is has an overall more poppy feel than West's previous offerings. Here is analogy I came up with.

Crackhead : Crack :: Kanye : Synthesizers

It's as if he was trying to cross over to a white audience when he already had it on lock. I was speaking with my good Vietnamese friend the other day about Kanye West (Why does it matter that he is Vietnamese? He's a communist), and I was telling him that I appreciate what Kanye does for hip hop and music in general. He can straddle the hip hop/hipster/pop audience seamlessly. His production style pushes the boundary of what hip hop can be. But I think he achieved that much better with Late Registration. Songs like We Major did that. Graduation seems so infused with pop that is almost has a Puff Daddy-esque glossiness to it. The beats on The College Dropout and Late Registration had heavier snares that just made the beats so big you had to bump it as loud as you can. You can do that with Graduation, but it feels as if it's lost something along the way.

My other problem with Kanye is that he utterly lacks storytelling abilities. He puts himself in an echelon with other great rappers, but doesn't come close to their abilities as an emcee. There are certain criteria that all emcees, past and present are graded upon. Ye doesn't come close to the storytelling ability of a Biggie or Slick Rick. The best story I've heard Kanye tell is at the end of College Dropout, but he's just speaking. I wish he was rapping telling that story. As my Vietnamese friend said that he doesn't really have any stories to tell, and just resorts to talking about himself. And that's all this album is about.

Anyways, critical beatdown time, all tracks are out of 5 stars.

1. Good Morning (Intro) (***) - Good minimalist beat. I would give it a higher rating, but play it before and after Kanye's "Get 'Em High" off The College Dropout. Same beat pattern. C'mon Kanye! If you are in fact "the new Premo," I don't want any of your songs smelling like another.
2. Champion (***1/2) - Balls.
3. Stronger (***) - Ok, this is a good, enjoyable song. But, again, this sampling is almost at Diddy levels. I love Daft Punk. But I think Ye is relying too much on the greatness of the original song, knowing that most hip hop listeners aren't turned on to Daft Punk. Most of the time with Kanye samples I think he's adding more layers on top of the older sample than he did here.
4. I Wonder (**) - The first dud of the album. Beat is good although it seems like a retread from Late Registration. I just think Kanye's one syllable at a time flow gets lame fast.
5. The Good Life (*****) - YEAH, everyone say "Touch the Sky Pt. II!!" T-Pain shows up for this track, and although he usually sounds like an assface, Kanye's use of synthesizer actually compliments T-Pains cyborg voice shit effect.
6. Can't Tell Me Nothing (*****) - I will overlook Kanye's whole "Waaah! I'm a conflicted rapper/I love Jesus but I also love hoez and Louis Vuitton too/ What am I going to do?" rapper mentality that I'm getting tired of. This track is classic. Great use of Jeezy ad-lib!
7. Barry Bonds (***1/2) - Ye delivers his best rhymes of the album on this track. Lil' Wayne's appearance probably made Kanye step up his game, but Wayne's offering is a bit sub-par to my favorite verses of his. When is Tha Carter III dropping?
8. Drunk and Hot Girls (zero *'s) - God I was so disappointed by this song. Mos Def is one of my top five favorite emcees OF ALL TIME. And he's wasted on this rambling shitastic beat. I understand Ye is trying to be funny and witty, but this song is painful to listen to. I'll kill you. This is probably one of the worst hip hop tracks I've ever heard. That's INCLUDING Woof! off of Snoop Dogg's classic 1998 album Tha Game is to Be Sold, Not to be Told.
9. Flashing Lights (*****) - Thank Vishnu this song came next. I would've punched the screen if another crapfest followed. This song is dope. Ye's infatuation with synthesized percussion continues, but this song is killer.
10. Everything I Am (*****) - I think this is the best song on the entire album. Beautiful melodic beat. Reflective Kanye shows up. This is the closest he gets to good storytelling ability. Why did Common pass on this beat?
11. The Glory (***) - By this time in the album, the chipmunk soul sampling is getting weak.
12. Homecoming (***1/2) - This song is much better than Jay-Z's "Beach Chair" of Kingdom Come. Ye, being a musician, knows how to utilize Chris Martin better than Jay did. Good chorus.
13. Big Brother (**1/2) - Eh. It's interesting hearing about Kanye and Jay-Z relationship, but I think the beat is pretty wack. Hook is pretty wack too.

Overall, some really great tracks on this album. But it feels like Kanye wasn't pushing the boundaries like his last album. You gotta step your game up son. Balls.

I put Lamborghini doors on that Es-ca-laaade

2007-09-04T15:11:00.001-07:00

What do you call an African-American person who flies a plane?

A pilot, you fucking racist.

I don't complain to you, I don't complain to me, everybody got beef and I just came to eat

2007-08-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

OMG! Online advertising is so sweet! Especially on myspace!... If I see one more of these fucking ads I'm gonna gouge my own eyeballs out with a rusty spoon. Here are some great examples I found recently!!! Hahahahahahahahahhahshoisaodhsfpg

What the fuck does this even mean? Do they just beat the shit out of the first homeless man on PCP they see and concept an ad based on what he screams out in pain? But I need to find out my crush's name!! Must... slap... harder...

Wow, just like in real life!! I've often passed women trapped in magical glass boxes while I'm carrying an giant sledgehammer and wondered, "Am I a good flirt?" This quiz I'm about to take will solve all my love problems past, present, and future! Thanks myspace!

I don't know shithead, I think she might've already announced. But there's a free mysterious gift card involved!! Ooooooooh! Sparkles!

The best by far is for http://web.tickle.com/!!!! Their ads are zany brain teasers that really rack your noodle! Here, I mocked one up for all you blog readers! Did you figure it out?! If you did you win a free gift card to get a FREE XBOX 360 UNICORN XYLOPHONE ERECTION!! For those of you who didn't get it, stay tuned for the answer in Jay's next blog entry!

Y'all want to know how I flow just seek and you find, I'm like a brain in the voicebox, I speak my mind

2007-08-12T12:08:00.000-07:00

Is this the greatest hip hop video ever made?
Yes.

Is this the anthem for 2007?
Yes.

Is this the anthem for the decade?
Debatable, but I'm leaning yes.

Any naysayers? Bring it.

Also, I'm declaring a new rule in hip hop music: Starting now, the words "nigga," "trigga," "figga," "bigga," "jigga," "digga" can no longer be rhymed together in any way shape or form. If I hear one more fucking permutation/combination of those words in a song, my head is going to explode. STEP UP YOUR RAP GAME SON.

I know you’re thinking, thinking that it must be, ArmorAll flow cause he never get rusty

2007-08-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

This is Tibor. Tibor Kalman. He passed away from cancer in 1999. He is incredible.

One of my Creative Directors at Wieden told me to look up his work, he said I would like it. He was correct. Conceptually, this man killed it. I admire and learned a lot from his abilities as a graphic designer and writer, but the way this man attacked his work, I think we can all learn from it.

Kalman opened his own design firm without knowing shit about design or how to run a business. I wish I had the balls to do that. Maybe I will now. Kalman wasn't afraid to hire and surround himself with people better than him. A lot of us are starved for attention and want to be in the spotlight. Dude had enough insight to keep his ego in check and realized he could only get better by surrounding himself with people better than him, people who challenged him. We should all do this.

Here is an essay he wrote in 1998. Read it.

FUCK COMMITTEES
(I believe in lunatics)

It's about the struggle between individuals with jagged passion in their work and today's faceless corporate committees, which claim to understand the needs of the mass audience, and are removing the idiosyncrasies, polishing the jags, creating a thought-free, passion-free, cultural mush that will not be hated nor loved by anyone. By now, virtually all media, architecture, product and graphic design have been freed from ideas, individual passion, and have been relegated to a role of corporate servitude, carrying out corporate strategies and increasing stock prices. Creative people are no working for the bottom line.

Magazine editors have lost their editorial independence, and work for committees of publishers (who work for committees of advertisers). TV scripts are vetted by producers, advertisers, lawyers, research specialists, layers and layers of paid executives who determine whether the scripts are dumb enough to amuse the 'lowest common denominator.' Film studios put films in front of focus groups to determine whether an ending will please target audiences. All cars look the same. Architectural decisions are made by accountants. Ads are stupid. Theater is dead.

Corporations have become the sole arbiters of cultural ideas and taste in America. Our culture is corporate culture.

Culture used to be the opposite of commerce, not a fast track to 'content'-derived riches. Not so long ago captains of industry (no angels in the way they aquired wealth) thought that part of their responsibility was to use thei millions to support culture. Carnegie built libraries, Rockefeller built art museums, Ford created his global foundation. What do we now get from our billionaires? Gates? Or Eisner? Or Redstone? Sales pitches. Junk mail. Meanwhile, creative people have their work reduced to 'content' or 'intellectual property'. Magazine and films become 'delivery systems' for product messages.

But to be fair, the above is only 99 percent true.

I offer a modest solution: find the cracks in the wall. There are a very few lunatic entrepreneurs who will understand that culture and design are not about fatter wallets, but about creating a future. They will understand that wealth is a means, not an end. Under other circumstances they may have turned out to be like you, creative lunatics. Believe me, they're there and when you find them, treat them well and use their money to change the world.

Tibor Kalman
New York, June 1998

Most of his best work was done in the magazines "Colors," sponsered by the United Colors of Benneton. Over 13 issues, from 1990 - 1995. During this time, he made work that was basically a middle finger to misconceptions held by society. Each issue addressed a different topic, from taboo subjects in the early 90's like AIDS to race relations. Check out his work if you're bored at a Barnes & Nobles while you're waiting for your shitty cup coffee to be made... Using graphic design to bring about social change. Yeah. $$$. Suck it.

I am the beast, feed me rappers or feed me beats

2007-07-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

God I fucking hate Whole Foods.

I don't have a car in Portland. It's the only grocery store I can walk to. I just want regular sugar you pricks. I don't need premium organic granulated pure sugar that was grown by the indigenous people of Guatemala under free and fair trade conditions which allow them not to be anally electrocuted by the Dixie Sugar company while farming (that 's what fair trade means right?). I just need some fucking sugar. I'll kill you.

Once you shop at Whole Foods, you feel like an asshole shopping anywhere else. Now if I buy regular sugar anywhere else, I'll feel like I'm helping some mega corporation while I also beat the shit out of some helpless farmer in the third world.

My only alternative is to journey 20 blocks to a Safeway, which some of my fellow employees have kindly referred to as "Shitway." Apparently the chances of getting stabbed increase exponentially when you enter the store. Gold!

We don't resort to violence, we on resorts and islands

2007-07-04T15:36:00.001-07:00

Guess who's bizzack?

Last two months have been fucking crazy... I think I almost cracked at one point (see last post). I'll be lucky if anyone still looks at this shit. Let's get you up to speed with all things Kamath.

My brother is now officially engaged.

My cousin Maya as well.

I've graduated from the Adcenter.

I have a website: www.jaykamath.com. You can go there, download my portfolio and see what the hell I've been doing for the past two years.

I went to NYC for interviews.

I took a week long road trip with three of my best friends from Raleigh, Memphis, Louisville and back (see picture) playing bocce ball and getting drunk as much as possible along the way.

Then I was lucky enough to be offered an internship opportunity at an advertising agency Wieden + Kennedy in Portland, OR. Check out their work at www.wk.com. Really amazing stuff.

It is fucking awesome out here. I'm currently working on spots for Nike Basketball (ridiculous). Portland is beautiful and the agency has put me in corporate housing in a really nice part of town. Pictures of Portland and the agency to come very soon. I lucked out.

That's just an update. What, you ask, brought me out of semi-blogging retirement?

R. Kelly's "Sex Planet," off his new album Double Up. Much like Paul Wall, I believe that R. Kelly is a comedic genius but he just doesn't realize it. Trapped in the Closet gave us such classic lines as "Shit. Think. Shit. Think. Shit, quick put me in the closet." For some reason R. Kelly felt there was a lack of love songs made comparing intercourse to space travel. The result? "Sex Planet." Download it, right now. It is fucking brilliant. Here are some of the best lines from the song...

Chorus:
Sex planet
Come fly away with me
Right in my ecstasy
Out in the galaxy
Sex planet
Get ready for take off babe
Zooooooooooo-ooooooooom!
Have a safe trip babe

I guarantee you'll like it
It'll take your breath away
Gonna get you so excited
Once I've tasted your milky way

I'm about to twinkle and touch your soul
Once I am entering your black hole (baby uhh)

We'll stick a flag on the Moon
First couple to ever make love on planet Neptune (uuhh)

I don't even know what the fuck that last one means. Then it gets to the point where Kelly just seems to give up with his sex metaphors.

Girl I promise this will be painless (painless)
We'll take a trip to planet Uranus (Uranus)

See my rocket is so full of fuel baby!

Well done Mr. Kelly, well done indeed.

The soundtrack of my summer so far has been influenced by two songs, which coincidently have two fucking awesome music videos. The Traveling Wilburys - The End of the Line. Why doesn't anything like this happen in music anymore? The Traveling Wilburys, Vol. 1 Deluxe Edition was released a few weeks ago, and forgot how good it is. I love this video. It gives me comfort b/c I like to believe that although George Harrison and Roy Orbison are dead, the whole band travels together in a train car playing together... and that's all they do. Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothing. The new Kanye mixtape is pretty hot. I dig this song and the video is shot beautifully, even if it's just Kanye being an ass driving a Lamborghini in the middle of a desert.

Speaking of Kanye's mixtape, the most ridiculous track is by CRS, a rumored super group comprised of Kanye, Pharrel of the Neptunes, and Lupe Fiasco that made me cream my pants. The song "US Placers" samples Thom Yorke's "The Eraser." Fucking sick. Check it out. That is all for now. This blog to be updated more frequently, the last two months were just insane. But I'm doing well and life is amazing right now. Can't ask for more. END TRANSMISSION.

Better make up a dance and try and get radio play, keep on snapping your fingers, I ain't going away

2007-04-30T19:02:00.001-07:00

I said this to myself and I meant it.
I will not be like them. I will not be like them.
I shall bear witness against them.

-Pat Conroy, The Lords of Discipline

Two diamond jumpropes, my neck do the double dutch

2007-04-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

Best video I've seen on youtube in a long time.

I was talking to a friend the other day about CD collections. CD's used to be a badge of honor. Your music collection showed how much you loved music: "look prick, look at how much I've spent on music. I am your superior." In high school I would take a giant case logic case to whoever's house for a party. Everyone would do the same and it was great because when you're forced to buy music you only buy the music your truly love at that moment. So no one had the same CD.s There was overlap with classics like "The Score" and Nirvana's "Unplugged in New York" which you had to have while growing up or you'd be beaten to death with your own shoes.But for the most part it was pretty eclectic. Now though when you see someone's music collection everyone has the SAME shit. All the same mp3's. It's like some guy with a hard drive just dumped a bunch of the same shit onto everyone's computers. I'm a total hypocrite because I totally jack music from my friend like everyone else, but I think mp3's while allowing more people to experience a wider range of music is a good thing, I think it has led to a depreciation in music. When I threw down money for an album I wore that shit out... scratches, crap on the bottom from being played so much. Now I can just get a random album from a friend on a whim, listen to two songs on it, then forget it forever. It will sit on my i-pod dying a slow painful death until I decide I need to delete it so I can put more asian por--, I mean clown por-- I've said too much.

"This is where fortunes are won... and lost."
This movie looks like the most confusing piece of shit I've ever seen. I think I had a mini-stroke trying to figure out what the hell this is about. They should just call it "Cars Flipping and Exploding for 2 Hours," not "Redline." Can someone explain what the plot is? It seems that there are 12 main characters and 4 sets of villains. Each millionaire bad guy seems just as bad as the next one they show (one of which is the guy who played Sir Robert the Bruce from Braveheart. His career has really taken off). Then they introduce a girl, some guy's brother dies, which the guy is not happy about, so he drives really fast on a motorcycle through a train.... brain... shutting... down...

I throw up more cash, and change the forecast

2007-03-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

Summer 2001 was a good summer. I found these pictures recently.
These are two of my favorite pictures ever taken. Yes, I am rocking a Less Than Jake t-shirt. That would be Richard and me on his porch in Thompson, GA at a party. About 4 seconds lapsed between the two. They were taken by my good friend William. I can't remember what the hell we were laughing at between those two pictures, but I feel they represent high school so well. I haven't talked to Richard in a while and I'm pretty angry with myself for losing touch with him. I guess there were too many incidents that made it inevitable, but I still miss the hell out of him.

That summer I also had the honor of working at Planet Smoothie as a man in a banana suit that passed out coupons to people. My first day of work I was hungover as all hell. Good thing it was 100 degrees outside and I was stuck inside a giant foam banana suit that made it 110. Within the first 15 minutes of me working I was humped by a drunk man and beaten up by a bunch of children. However, as I've stated numerous times, I am a jackass and I loved every minute in the banana suit. I had no peripheral vision in the thing so friends would come and tackle me out of nowhere. Then there would be a fight between an ordinary person and a giant banana. Also my that summer, I decided to hand out coupons at the rival ice cream shop Bruster's. The manager proceeded to call the police on me. The officer almost put me in the car until I made him realize he'd be arresting a giant banana in front of the large group of people that had gathered. He told me to "Get out of here" and I struted back to Planet Smoothie.

I became obsessed with Weezer's "Pinkerton" that summer, and I still debate which is a btter album "Pinkerton" or "The Blue Album." I love this video directed by Mark Romanek.

Nostalgia is my Achilles heel. Half the time I'm being nostalgic about the past I don't realize the best shit is happening right now, and I think it will always be that way. I can't help it though, I love it too much.

I might have sold the least, but I still manage to be most feared by most emcees

2007-03-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

Advertising!

I haven't really posted as much work as I'd like to on this blog. So here are two campaigns I've been working on recently. One for The One Show design competition (NRDC: The Natural Resource Defense Council) the other for my Cultural Branding class, the assignment being bringing Burton snowboards into China. The NRDC campaign makes fun of environmental messaging put forth by other environmental groups and the media.

Now for Burton snowboards. The main idea was to use the media of the magazine to transform the page into the the contours of the mountain. I know what you're thinking "Jay, that's fucking crazy talk!" Suck on this. Remember ski-free? The third greatest game of all time behind NHL '94 and Altered Beast. We decided to update this idea for interactive web banner ads that would play like the ski free game and you'd have to navigate the mountain terrain, eventually leading to the Burton website. Any feedback would be great. Especially if you don't get the ideas or feel they could be clearer. I love you.

Throw my nuts on the finish line, I come to win

2007-02-22T13:52:00.000-08:00

Fuck you, pay me.
I don't normally do this stupid shit.* But I was asked so nicely! So I must. But there is no fucking way I'm taking all these quetions seriously. LOL! BRB! TTYL! WWII!! GOJDMOGLLLLLPPGDK!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Three things that scare me:
1. Puppies
2. Kittens
3. Indian people**

Three people who make me laugh:
1. My brother
2. My grandfather (r.i.p.)***
3. David Cross

Five things I love:
1. women
2. hoodies
3. Penelope Cruz
4. my compton hat
5. rap

Three things I hate:
1. nazis
2. cyborgs
3. nazi cyborgs

Three things I don't understand:
1. How to mathematically prove God exists
2. Mitochondrion
3. Freebasing Mrs. Butterworth in your eyeball

Three things on my desk:
1. a pound of blow
2. my 9mm
3. 12 copies of "3-2-1 Contact!"

Three things I'm doing right now:
1. typing
2. talking to my friends about flying great white sharks (seriously, look it up, they're off the coast of south africa)
3. listening to Operation Ivy

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Time travel so I can go to 5 mintues ago and prevent myself from doing this shit.
2. Bungee jump off a hang-glider on Mount Kilimanjaro while having sex. EXTREEEEEME!
3. Get the Conan O'Brien bow when he introduces people at the beginning of his show.

Three things I can do:
1. Talk about rap...
2.
3.

Three things you should listen to:
1. The Clash
2. The Clash
3. The Clash

Three things you should never listen to:
1. creed
2. Will Smith when he's drunk beating up a helpless clown
3. evil robots (i.e.... the T-1000)

Three things I'd like to learn:
1. muay thai
2. time travel
3. basic addition

Three favorite foods:
1. chicken tikka masala
2. kittens
3. garlic naan

Three beverages I drink regularly:
1. beer
2. liquid kittens (after blending)
3. snapple peach iced tea

Three TV shows/Books I watched/read as a kid:
1. Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
2. Go Dogs Go!
3. The Vedas

Three people I am tagging
1. Jesus
2. Alf
3. Pope Urban II
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

* Yes, I think this shit is pointless... What did you glean from this? The fact that I'm a jackass. I'm pretty sure that if you read any other entry you would've picked up on that. I don't know, when these first started happening in 1997, yeah it was a interesting way to get to know people on this "internet" thing. Now every myspace/frienster/facebook/mass e-mail message you get is a mindfuck survey asking about what movie best describes your mood right now or when was the last time you masturbated. Not a front against people who do these, I just think surveys are pointless. Anytime I think "Hey, I could be doing a survey right now!" I realize I could easily spend the time shoving a spoon up my ass.

** Indian people scare the shit out of me. Indians born in this country of my generation more specifically. Two words: Indian fraternities.

*** I miss him.

Hi haters, I'm back off hiatus, I feel just like you I mean even I hate us

2007-01-24T14:15:00.000-08:00

Guess who's bizzack?

I meant to write this entry as soon as I got back from India. The trip was incredible, and I had so many revelations while I was there. Very emotional thoughts, most of which I've forgotten by now because I'm an assface. I'll try to recall as much as I can.

The trip was indescribable really. I hadn't been since '98. It's pretty incredible to see how much the coutnry has transformemd over the past 8 years. There is a still a lot of poverty in India, but it seems the IT boom has lifted the entire country up together rather than increasing the gap between rich and poor. A lot of the people I talked while walking around South India (in rural as well as urban areas) feel like there are more opportunities for everyone in the country. I've never lived in India, and here in the United States I make the concious decision to actively not hang out with Indians, but I felt so proud talking to these people. People were incredibly nice and willing to talk about any topic to ignorant western ass, be it Hinduism or just culture in India.

My first realization from my trip: Indians are such a beautiful people. As a culture and everything of course, but from just a purely aesthetic standpoint. The landscape of india (rural or urban) gave me a constant photography erection. The photography I love is all about textures: rust, dirt, and beauty in what can be seen as delapadated. I love that shit. Here are some choice pictures from the trip. I'll have a flickr page up sometime in the future. This is Suneeth. He was our driver for a majority of our trip. This dude contends for top ten bad ass muthafuckas I've ever met. For those who havent been to India, driving in cities is a clusterfuck to the tenth power. I made many pacts with God everytime I thought we were going to get into a wreck, which was every 12 seconds. But this dude was the man behind the wheel. He made Clive Owen in the BMW films look like a total assclown. I kinda went on a "negative space" trip with my photography while iwas over there. This is a sweeper outside a Venkateshwara temple in Hyderabad. Such a nice lady, although she didn't understand why I wanted to take a picture of her doing her job. I wish I spoke Hindi so I could tell her she was awesome. A giant rock in the middle of the rock temples of Mahabalipuram. No one knows what is keeping the giant rock stationary even when it's on an incline. Geologists have determind that the rock has stayed there for thousands of years, surviving hurricanes and tsunamis even when the whole area was submerged in water. Science is dope. This is a shot I took at the train station in Trivanderum. Train rides in India are a pretty surreal experience for westerners. Hard to explain. I like this shot because I have no idea what this lady is thinking. Probably "Stop it asshole American, I don't want my picture taken." These are pictures taken at Kanyakumari, the southern most tip of India where the Arabian Sea, the Indian Ocean, and the Bay of Bengal all meet. I met a group of pilgrims while waiting for the sunset. Great people. Sunset was beautiful. This is the most surreal picture I've ever taken. I almost don't want to explain it.. So I won't... but that's a real elephant. Fans in India are awesome. The streets of Indian cities are a sensory overload. Smells, colors, and movement are all overwhelming. The signage is particularly beautiful to me for some reason. It's all mostly painted. I don't know hwat that appeals to me. A group of holy men waiting for a puja to commence in Hyderabad. Me at the beach at Trivanderum. Picture taken by my Mom, who not only has mad respitory therapist skills, but also mad skills behind the camera.

Amazing trip.

------------

Although the giant glowing "Prince" sign-stage in the middle of the field was fucking awesome during the Superbowl halftime show, I was still disappointed he didn't play "Batdance."

Anyone: Tyson, Jordan, Jackson, action, pack guns, ridiculous, and I'm quick to bust, if my ends you touch

2006-12-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

Best of 2006. Some of these are fucking awesome videos. Some are fucking awesome songs. Some are both.

The Thermals - Pillar of Salt. Why is it that women who play an instrument/are musically talented are so fucking hot? ESPECIALLY female bassists. Ridiculous (Not to self: find konkani girl who plays the bass in a indie rock band... who also has an english accent... and can protect me from clowns). But that is only one of the reasons why this video is awesome. Great song too, but amazing use of cuts. High energy shit. Shout out to John V who told me about this band. Well he didn't tell me about as much as he listened to it 3 fucking weeks straight before Gettysburg presentations. Dj Khaled ft. Kanye West, Consequence, and John Legend - Grammy Family. I have no idea what DJ Khaled has to do with any of the tracks on his compilation besides showing up for the videos that were shot. Dope track and dope verses. I've always bee na fan of Kanye, but never thought he was a stellar lyricist, but damn son. Pulling off rhyming "Khaled" with "volume," shit is amazing! Obie Trice - Cry Now. A lot of people slept on Obie's sophomore offering, but this standout track is so banging. Not a particulalrly innovative video, but dope lyrics/crazy beat. Best part by far comes at the 2:17 mark. Invisible gun cocking? Brilliant. The Rapture - Whoo! Alright Yeah... Uh Huh. Basicallly "House of Jealous Lovers Pt. II." I fucking love this band. Great video too. I love the use of anaimation. God dammit why didn't I make this video? WHY? Dance, dance, dance, dance! Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous. What? Oh shut up, you know this track is awesome. This is probably one of the best beats of the year... and Nelly Furtado is gorgeous. I can see how Timbaland go tired of hip hop, and so he wants to work more with pop artists, which will be mroe challenging for him... and he still kills it. Leading us to... Justin Timberlake ft. T.I. - My Love. A beat so incredible that you can tolerate Timberlake's falsetto for 5 minutes. Best moment occurs at 4:51, as a onslaught of rubberbands fly at you while T.I. raps and the beat kicks back in.... so sick. Ghostface Killah ft. Ne-Yo - Back Like That. Fishscale was the best album of the year by far, and although this isn't the best track from it ("Be Easy ft. Trife" is, download that shit!) it's still awesome. Best moment at 1:07, as Ghostface assault his woman's gentleman friend in a convenience store... in slow motion. Dramatic! Jay-Z - Lost Ones. I don't think Jay-Z was capable of making a video better than 99 Problems. That was going out perfectly. This video isn't that great, but I liked how he used the beat from the intro of the album for the intro of the video. The song grows on me more everytime I listen to it. Good shit. Bloc Party - Banquet. Yeah, I know the album dropped last year, shut up. I just wanted to have an excuse to put this video on my blog. Amazing song, cool video, great band. The most simple shit like the slight movement of the camera wuickly in one direction when its on the different band members just adds so much more energy to the video. I applaud you Bloc Party. Well done. Clipse ft. Pharrell - Mr. Me Too. Only the Clipse can rap about selling coke repeatedly over 12 tracks and make a rap classic. Best parts of this video? 0:51 of Pharrell dumping Cristal into a cereal bowl, or at 1:11, when Pusha-T slaps two stacks of money together while saying "dust." I dont know why, but I think that's what God exactly intended to happen at that moment. Lil Wayne - Show Me What You Got Freestyle. Hey Jay-Z, guess who else joins the club of murdering you on your track? I'm not gonna front, I thought Lil Wayne was a fucking idiot for a long time. I remember him coming out with the video for "Tha Block Iz Hot," and doling out lines like "So much ice you can skate on a nigga" and "Ok let's see all this ice that I'm carryin/So many carats like I'm a fucking vegetarian." But he has indeed stepped up his game. I still think the Carter II is Lil Wayne trying to remake Jay-Z's Blueprint (you can't remake that shit son!), but Weezey killed this track. "'Get over here' like Scorpion!" Lupe Fiasco - I Gotcha. I heard a lot of mixed things from my friends about this album bu tI love it. I think the lyrics, the beats are all incredibly creative. Hope to see him again live this coming year. Dj Khaled ft. Lil Wayne, Paul Wall, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, and Pitbull - Holla at me. No end of the year list has credibility without Paul Wall. At approximately 0:50, the glorious Paul Wall graces us with a chorus and a verse. God be praised. Banging beat provided by Cool & Dre. Great sample too. Kidz Bop - Since You've Been Gone. Got this from pitchfork. This shit is fucking hilarious. Watch for the tiger guitar solo and wait for 2:37, the greatest moment in recorded film history.

A Merry Kwanzaa to all!

So many deceive ya, I'm on top with the ki's, move over Alicia

2006-12-14T16:14:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ROSS WEYTHMAN!!!

Our semester long project of rebranding Gettyburg is over. The presentation went really well. My group was comprised of myself, Andrew Aquino, and Nate De Leon. Our group name you ask? KAMQUILEON. What is Kamquileon? It is an ancient Navajo term meaning "fiery wilderness sage bear." Legend has it the Kamquileon could solve any problem given to it using it's vast knowledge of the universe.

New Clipse is so sick. Pick that shit up.

I'm going to India on the 28th and I'm so excited. Haven't been there since 1997. I was an asshole brat 9th grader back then and didn't take advantage of the trip at all. All I wanted to do was listen to my mixtape on my walkman. What a fucking idiot. But this time I'll be taking a new camera and taking shitloads of pictures all across South India with my favorite woman on earth. I realized this past summer that this will be the last big chunk of free time I'll ever have, and I intend on enjoyins every second.

Next Saturday me and three of my best friends will be going to Medieval Times (see link to the right). That's right, I'll be celebrating an early brithday by watching knights beating the living shit out each other drunk with my friends. My life will be 10% more complete afterwards, and I intend on offending many people and getting kicked out. EXPLOSIVO!

Get you rolled into triage, biatch!

2006-11-29T20:56:00.000-08:00

Noveber has been fucking crazy. So crazy that I just spelled it wrong. Been really busy, but the fruits of labor are sweet. Got some good campaigns this semester that I'll have to post soon.

My birthday is a month away and for the first time I can remember, it actually feels like it's been a year since I turned 23. I've been so busy this year and so much has happend that I feel ready to turn 24. I don't remember ever feeling that way before... Maybe it's the Taco Bell from earlier.

.... When did "I don't know" become some terrible fucking thing to say?. As if you're going to be dragged into the middle of the street and beaten to death with your own shoes if you don't have a concrete opinion on something. Like abortion for example... I don't know what the hell I think about it. I don't know what the hell I would do if a girlfriend was pregnant. I would like to think I would keep the child. But who the fuck am I to force that opinion, my opinion, on someone else? I don't liek it when Bible-belt jackass tells me finding Jesus is the only way to get to Heaven.... Then again there are people who oppose aborotion (not the assholes with the signs or the maniacs who bomb clinics) b/c it is ending what will be life. I can respect that and see the point. Then I think, I'm not a woman, and I'm not going to ever have to give birth to anything, so should I even have an opinion? Shouldn't they be deciding this?

I don't know. Is that such a bad thing? Just trying to make sense in mind. There are some things I do stand for, like literacy... and functioning sewage disposal, and "Back to the Future....." Anyways, let's get back to what everyone expects from my blog, talking about Jay-Z and how he's awesome even though he's falling off at an incredible rate! Now for a Jay Kamath track by track critical beatdown (out of 5 stars)....1. The Prelude (*****) - YES!!!! Excellent start. Listening to it I began to rethink all the bad things I said about Jay-Z coming back. This shit almost rivals the opening track to The Blueprint. Laid back beat but still banging. Dope
2.Oh My God (*****) - HOLY SHIT!! Hov ups the ante. Ridiculous Just Blaze track, and Jay kills it. Hype. At this point I was cursing myslef for ever doubting the Presidential MC. Then track 3 happend.
3. Kingdom Come (***) - Yeah. I don't know why Jay chose to open the album with 4 Just Blaze tracks. He shoulda spread it out over the album Just Blaze has a real destinct style and hearing like 3 songs back to back to back feels repeptitive, although individually the songs are pretty solid. Lyrically I wasn't feeling this song as much.
4. Show Me What You Got (***1/2) - Good track. Doesn't make my head explode like other Jay singles. A little bit more poppy than his singles from the Black Album. I don't know, I'll buy it. Just not really pushing anything on this track although I can see it setting off a party.
5. Lost One (*****) - Even though the Dre beats on this album are pretty damn weak (this one sounds liek it's meant for Mary J. Blige, not Jay-Z) Jay-Z rides this song flawlessly. The introspective Jay shows up for this track rapping about Dame Dash, unrequited love from Beyonce, and the death of his nephew. Solid, classic shit.
6. Do U Wanna Ride (**1/2) - Uh... yeah. Just kinda muddled. Not really focused. Some good rhymes on this track, but I find myself skipping over if everytime I've listened to the album. John Legend shows up to sound like an assface.
7. 30 Something (**) - Dre must've had this beat just laying around or something b/c some of the beats off the new Game album, which are producers trying to sound like Dre, sound more Dre than this track. And Jay-Z rapping about how 30 is the new 20 makes no fucking sense, seeing as how he'd be 27.
8. I Made It (**1/2) - Jay-Z trying to make his "Dear Mama." Eh.
9. Anything (**1/2) - How can The Neptunes make so many bangers for the Clipse and leave Jay with this weird ass shit, with Usher. Kinda sounds it's trying to replicate the magic of a superior track "Poppin Tags" off Jay-Z's Blueprint 2 album. Balls.
10. Hollywood (1/2*) - This song is terrible. It's just Jay-Z masturbating on a mic. I get it dude, you have your girlfriend singing on the track. She's hotter than anyone I'll ever get. I get it. You have more money than I can conceive. I get. Horrible beat, the chemostry between him and Beyonce is just off. God awful. Thank God for Track 11, I was about to start crying at this point.
11. Trouble (****) - Dre's saving grace on the album. A somewhat inovative beat, but it's co-produced by some other dude who I feel probably did the heavy lifting. Still had Dre's trademark piano on it, but sounds a little electronic. Almost Timbaland-esque. Good shit though. I dig the lyrics on this track.
12. Dig a Hole (***) - Kinda a diss track... Not nearly as venomous as "Takeover," the best diss track of all time. Beat is pretty bangin, but if you want to rip Cam'ron and Jim Jones a new one Hov, just do it sucka! All this subliminal shit gets tired after a while. Some of the lines hit hard though.
13. Minority Report (***1/2) - Jay's song about Hurricane Katrina. I dig this song, wasn't expecting something like this on the album. Dre's beat is minimal, but it works for the song.
14. Beach Chair - (****) - Weird. But a good werid. This song was produced by Chris Martin of Coldplay. The beat is actually pretty solid. His addition of strings add some melody to tracks that Jay-Z usually lacks from his beats. Drums are real raw. I'm at least glad he eneded the album with a high note.

This will be my last post until all my final reviews are done beating the living shit out of me in the coming weeks. Wish me luck. End transmission biatch!!

Don't be hesitant, sound cracks the sediment, it's evident we medicine for your whole town

2006-11-09T10:37:00.000-08:00

For Halloween this year, I had to make a costume in under 10 minutes, with only scissors, a sharpee, and beer to aid my creativity. The result was BAGMAN, devourer of beer and small children. If there were awards given out at the Adcenter Halloween party I'm pretty sure I would've won the "Didn't recieve help from their parents to make costume" award. Here are some choice pictures of BAGMAN from that night. BAGMAN must take beer-break. Back to eating babies.

It should be mentioned that these picture were all taken pre-party. My fucking digital camera broke so there are a ton of awesome pictures from the actual party on other people's cameras. The best of which being Dereck Gordon as zombie-ODB from the "Brooklyn Zoo" video. Fucking incredible. If I get my hands on that pic, defintely posting it.

A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to go to an Aerosmith/Motley Crue concert with three of the fucking coolest people I've met Meranne, Luke, and Aquino. Going to see Aerosmith was avenging my 5th grade self. In 5th grade my cannon of music consisted of Aerosmith's "Get a Grip," the Dumb and Dumber Soundtrack, and Offspring's "Smash," all of which I thought were the greatest albums ever made by mankind in the history of song. So I finally got to see my favorite band from elementary school. It was much like finally beating Sonic the Hedgehog 2 sophomore year of college with my good friend Dan Larremore, and after failing so many times in 4th grade I finally had closure. Much was the same seeing Aerosmith at the Virginia Beach Amphitheater.

All I can say is that the concert was fucking awesome, and that's me in my drunken state only being able to remember 3 songs played. Even with that, it was probably one of the best nights I've had while I've been in Virginia. Thats saying a lot. "Sweet Emotion" was incredible, but the highlight was Steven Tyler's harmonica at the end of "Cryin'." That took me back man, so good. Like I said, camera broken, but here are some pictures Meranne took... None of the actual concert but a group photo then pictures of me and Andrew screaming at each other while Luke drove back to Virginia. Don't know what the hell I'm staring at in that last one. Incredibly good times. NEXT: Tenacious D on Dec 3rd. Fuck yeah.

The chosen one from the land of the frozen sun, when drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones

2006-10-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

I had a few realizations the other day and I'd like to share them all of you.

Going into advertising is a lot like having faith in God (I use God in the sense of a formless higher power governing the universe sense, not the anthropomorphic Biblical deity sense). You have constantly reevaluate why you went into this industry just as you need to constantly reevaluate why you believe in God. I was lucky enough to have the good friends I do, all of which are athiest, and who constantly kept me on my toes questioning why I believe what I do. Similarly going into advertising and constantly questioning why you are there is incredibly important. You might say it's important in any feild you go into, but advertising particularly has the potential to be dangerous and destructive. If you lose sight of why you came into the industry you'll probabaly become a hack who doesn't fight with the client to make good work and produces shit like the Papa John's commercials "Things that make you say mmmm!" that makes 99.95% of the world fucking hate advertising. In the same way, i think blind faith, not only in God but in any concept really can be the most harmful and dangerous thing a human being can do. All judgements and actions based on an idea that is unquestioned is fucking scary.

Realization #2. I'm trying to become an art director in advertising, and before that I was trying to become an architect. Both fields based fundamentally in the visual. Yet I've come to the realization that I prize my sense of hearing so much more that my sight. If I could no longer hear music I would probably go insane and cry myself to sleep every night. God I fucking love music.

OH SHIT! NEW CLIPSE VIDEO! SHOUT OUT TO RONALD LAM! BLAT BLAT! THIS ALBUM IS GOING TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF RECORDED MUSIC IN THE HISTORY OF RECORDED MUSIC! SUCK IT!

You ain't got to explain shit, I been robbin muthafuckas since the slaaaaave ships, with the saaaaame clip

2006-10-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

I have a Greek friend named Andreas. He's from the island of Cyprus. He recently gave me a Greek hip hop album by the group "Active Members." The name of the album you ask? "To Megalo Kolpo." What does that mean? No fucking clue. This album really made my day though. Until this point whenever I wanted to be yelled at by a large number of Greek people, I would have to find a Greek restaurant, walk in, and say something incredible offensive about their homeland and culture. Now though, I can carry around screaming Greek people wherever I go! All I need is a handy compact disc player.

"Adcenter: The Musical" is coming into fruition.

I'm skating every Thursday night on top of a parking garage with my friends and teaching elementary school kids how to play tennis on Friday afternoons.

Life is good.

Do the knowledge, do the few dollars, I'm due to demolish crews Brooklyn through Hollis

2006-10-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

I think this picture is so dope. From the August 06 issue of XXL. I don't know why I think this picture is so badass. I think it looks like Nas contemplating how he is going to destroy the New York hip hop game with his new album... Which is a pretty bad bridge for what I wanted to talk about this entry.

I'm more excited for Nas' new album than Jay-Z's.

In an interview Cam'Ron (Killa, who is currently beefing with Mr. Shawn Carter) likened Jay-Z's return to rap to Michael Jordan coming to play for the Wizards. As terrible as Cam'Ron's diss track was to Jay-Z, I'm inclined to agree with him here. I didn't shit myself over the first and second singles from Jay's new album "Kingdom Come" as I thought I would, which is really fucking hard for me to say as a Jay-Z fan. If you've read my blog in the past I'm sure you've picked up on the fact that I'm a HUGE Jay-Z fan. Reasonable Doubt. Classic. Blueprint. Classic. Black Album. Classic. I think I'm the only person on earth who still thinks Jay-Z ripped Nas a new one in their battle. I just think he went out on such a good note with the Black Album, which is kinda a classic album because it was his swan song, and if you listen to it with that mentality the songs are all the more better. So he bows out and transcends the game like no other emcee before him, moving from best rapper alive to head of Def Jam records. THAT is the fucking Blueprint. No other hip hop artist had really achieved what he did. He is truly running this rap shit. Right now his career is the Blueprint for all other rappers. Be the best lyricist, so much that you will decimate all other's in the game ---> sell shitloads of records while gaining ridiculous amounts of critical/street acclaim ---> quit the game, become the head of a major label while continuing to make shitloads of money. Jay-Z is 37 years old now. B.I.G. said it best at the end of Disc 1 of Life After Death when he is being interviewed:

"I don't wanna be that 30 year old rapper trying to rock a crowd. There's a young 18 tear old outthere doing the same thing I was doing when I was 18, making me look ridiculous. I wanna be able to come out, make hit records, sell millions, then bow out gracefully, like 'Thanks' I'mma leave it to these dudes now and move onto whatever else I was planning on doing."

I met DJ Premier back in 2005 in St. Louis when I posed as a photographer for an entertainment newspaper and got to go backstage. He said something to one of his friends backstage that I've always thought was pretty cool, he said "Just because you can rap, doesn't mean you should rap." Mr. Premier is wise beyond his years. I think that kinda applies to Jay-Z now. I think he's said all he has to say. I mean, at this point, he has been rich in his lifetime for the same quantity of time that he was selling drugs. It's starting to get redundant. Yeah. That's coming from me, the guy who loves The Clipse (<--- hip hop reference, if you don't get it, it's ok, read on blog friend!). All that said, I'll be first in line to pick up "Kingdom Come" and won't stop listening to it... even if the Dalai Lama comes to my door with an open stab wound.

If you've gone this far, maybe you're willing to go a little further (<--- Shawshank Redemption reference, if you don't get it's ok, read on blog friend!)

Here is a dope article ranking all of Jay-Z's guest appearances in his 3 year sabbatical.

Jay-Z rant over. "Adcenter: The Musical" begins filming next week, script or no script.

Just like the flow, the fo's ferocious, I tuck you in homie, buenos noches

2006-10-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs to see this movie. It was fucking brilliant. Best movie I've seen in a while. Obviously incredibly well directed and acted, but also an amazing script that had a lot of hilarious parts. Violent as all hell, and you can see how it is based off a Hong Kong action movie, but pulled off really really well. Alec Baldwin and Mark Wahlberg steal every single scene they're in, shooting off too many memorable one liners. The best probably being Alec Baldwin saying "Marriage is important. It let's women know you're not a homo and your cock still works." Here is the trailer for the movie. Check that shit out!

On another note, i'ts been a while since I've posted my work on this blog. So I'm gonna try to do that more often. Here is a project I did with my group for rebranding Solo Cups. I worked with three of the most fucking badass people here at the Adcenter, Meranne Whitney, Andrew Aqunio, and Ross Weythman. Ross and I worked on the creative while Meranne and Andrew gave us the strategy. The campaign was made to create a sub brand for Solo that was targeted towards college students. Below is a viral video we made for K.U.P.P., a D.A.R.E.-like group that combats the use of generic cup use. Below that is a poster that I worked on about SGV's or SOCIAL GATHERING VIOLATIONS. Below that is just a simple website I threw together. Let me know what you guys think. I'll be posting my work I did for Boca Burger soon as well.

Got hoez that's in love askin "Why you don't like me?" Bitch I'm married to the game and I love my wifey

2006-09-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

What another would have done as well as you - do not do it.
What another could have said as well as you - do not say it.
What another would have written as well - do not write it.

-Andre Gide

Dear Michel Gondry,

Even though the chances of you reading my blog are slightly higher than James Brown coming into my apartment right now and taking a shit on my stove, I thought I should write this anyways. Please stop directing. You're too good. Just fucking stop. I kinda made it a point that I will not even attempt to direct any kind of movie unless I think I can come up with something as beautiful or insightful as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Maybe I should've lowered the bar a little, and said as something as beautiful or insightful as Weekend at Bernie's 2. Everytime I see Eternal Sunshine it's the most strange movie experience I ever felt. I hate and love it in incredible amounts at the same time. It's so fucking good in its universal scope, how everyone who watches it can relate to it and it's message of if we forget our past relationships, no matter how bad, we're doomed to repeat it again. Then you pull it off with the most incredible blend of direction, humor and nostolgia that I want to kick your ass. AND you got to film one of the greatest concerts ever with Dave Chappelle. I'm the biggest hater on earth. In conclusion, I can't wait to see The Science of Sleep so I can hate myself for not thinking about what you think of before you do. I'm drunk.

Love,

Jay Kamath

It goes Reggie, Jay-Z, 2Pac and Biggie, Andre from Outkast, Jada, Kurupt, Nas and then me

2006-09-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

"The Wire"" is the best fucking TV show ever. I can't describe how good it is. About a year ago, the writer for the series David Simon came to speak at VCU. He has written "Clockers" and the miniseries "The Corner." Back in the 90's he was a journalist who was allowed to follow Baltimore police units around while doing drug reconaissance work (which is almost unheard of). Added to fact that he has the freedom of writing a show on HBO, the show is probably the most realistic drama I've ever seen on TV. Simon somehow figures out how to blend the stories of the police, politicians, and drug dealers seamlessly. I find myslef rooting for cops even though they are corrupt or for drug dealers even though commit incredibly violent acts. Simon doesn't sugar coat anything and the result is a series that tells the story of a struggling city and all the factions inside it. Fucking incredible. Netflix that shit.

This is the greatest music video ever made. I forgot about the song, but for some reason I remembered it recently. If I were to tell you, "Hey, Prince made a music video for the song 'Batdance' for the soundtrack to the 1989 Tim Burton film" this video is exactly what you would think of. It makes completely no fucking sense. I think Prince was just like "I have a vision. In this music video I want to be dressed up as half Joker/ half Batman. And we need to buy all the smoke machines on earth and use them all at once. We need lasers too... and strobe lights. And really shitty dancers dressed as Jokers and Batmen who run around as if they are putting on a 6th grade musical. My song is truly incredible though. 'Badance' will change the world." The song does have a sweet guitar solo in it. It's a incredible solo with smoke pouring everywhere as Prince has sex with his guitar in front of his Batcomputer. Look out for it.

This past week I bought the new Roots album "Game Theory" and J Dilla's (R.I.P.) newest "The Shining." Both are pretty damn good. I'd say "Game Theory" is the Roots crew's best offering since "Things Fall Apart." J Dilla was an incredible beatmaker. He bascially crafted Common's entire "Like Water for Chocolate." Brilliant album. Only problem with "The Shining" is that it is so short. Packs a big punch though. Not gonna hold it against Dilla though, dude died. Buy these albums, support good hip hop. Goodnight bitches.

I found my new niche, no more bricks, so I'm pitchin 16's, verbally bitch

2006-09-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

This series of pictures works better if you play the "Friday the 13th" Jason stalking music in your head while looking at it.

Live from Bedford-Stuyvesant, the livest one

2006-08-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

Lock your doors, Bonus is coming... in sticker form... all over Richmond, VA. If you want some Bonus stickers please contact me. What is it you ask? It is Bonus. A Filipino shaman warrior who brings prosperity to those who put his image in sticker form on their stuff.

I've been writing in this blog for a year now and I'm proud of myself for keeping up with it. Thanks to everyone who reads the bullshit periodically posted here which is my blog. I love you like a fat kid loves cake. To celebrate this auspiscious occasion I thought I'd post pictures from the movie "Big Trouble in Little China" for no apparent reason. Oh shit! Lo Pan in the muthafuckin hizzouse! Mortal Kombat totally ripped off Raiden from this movie. Fucking no talent ass clown computer programmers. I put this picture up for my brother since he has modeled his life after Egg Shen. I didn't see "Superman Returns" this summer, but I think this picture pretty much pulls off everything that movie did for an $150 million budget.

We got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks and stray shots, all on the block that stays hot

2006-08-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

As of Saturday night, my life is now 10% closer to being fulfilled. I got to see Wu-Tang Clan in concert in Chicago with one of my good friends Donnie, and it was one of the best concerts I've ever seen in my life. I was kinda skeptical at first. I heard so many bad things about Wu-Tang when it came to live performances. A lot of times they don't come on till 1:00 am when the opening act stopped playing at 9:00 pm, and when they do come one only half of them showed up. I've heard other times that even when everyone is there, they don't all get along at times and each person comes out one at time to perform their solo shit.

But none of that was to be had. Wu-Tang came onstage around 10:30 pm after Rhymefest (a dope Chi-town MC, check him out) and they fucking killed it. They were all onstage together for an hour and half playing classic cut after classic cut. The audience was so live, I can't even describe it. They opened with "Bring Da Ruckus," opening verse courtesy of Ghostface Killah. There is really nothing better than 600 people chanting in unison "WU-TANG CLAN AIN'T NUTTIN TO FUCK WIT!!" Half way through the show they had a tribute to ODB (R.I.P.) where the chorus sang "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" and "Brooklyn Zoo." After that, Rza took some time with Method Man to promote Tony Jaa movie "The Protector." As Rza so eloquently put it: "This nigga fucks up like a hundred niggas at the end of the movie by himself." I'm sold. Wu-Tang ended the entire concert with "Triumph" off of Wu-Tang Forever. It was so awesome my head exploded, reformed, then exploded again. It was incredible ending to an incredible summer in Chicago.

So last week from Wednesday through Saturday I was in New York City for MAIP graduation and a networking session. I really think I only slept for about a total of 5 hours the three days I was there. The first time I was in NYC was this past March. I totally fell in love with the city this time around though. Fucking incredible. I did nothing but hang out with good friends and drink. On Thursday night I got pretty drunk and decided to jump into a pile of trash bags laying on a curb outside a club called "Alibi" in the Village. Due to jumping the in the garbage, I was pretty certain I was going to wake up Friday morning either a) dead or b) with some kind of superhuman powers bestowed upon me by the NYC trash. Neither happened, but it was still an awesome time. Here are some choice pictures from my time in NYC. I saw a payphone near NYU and in my drunken state thought I had to get a picture of it before payphones were a relic of the past. How to convince Dave to jump into NYC street trash:
Krista: I'll give you a dollar if you jump in the trash.
Dave: No
Jay: I'll give you a dollar as well. That's $2.
Dave: OK. CHEETAH! RARGH! hot-maip-asians.com Getting punched by Pam and Debie at the same time. We are amazed by ceiling structure. Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls I do adoooore JIM WEGENER LIVES! He is currently residing in Brooklyn and working at an architecture firm in Manhattan. And by working at an architecture firm I mean working as a Columbian drug mule. Godspeed Jim. I forgot the name of this place. "Kamke" or something. Best japanese restaurant ever. Mainly because of it's cheap sake and beer. The greatest bottle of Sake ever created by man. Jim and Mr. Sake. And then we randomly saw Jesse Jackson at Chicago's O'Hare airport before all of us left. I particularly proud of the fact that I now have a picture with Jesse Jackson with me in my Compton hat. As Mark Bonus would say, "Jesse Jackson make dat cheez."

But yeah, a kinda random ending to an amazing summer. I already miss Chicago and my fellow MAIPers but I'm excited to get back to Richmond, hang out with my Adcenter friends, and get back to making a bulletproof portfolio. As Young Jeezy once said, "Let's get it."

Y'all suckas lend me checks and then they bounce, so I reach into my pocket for the fresh amount

2006-08-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

On floor 38 of DDB there is a TV that is always tuned into CNN. I always pass is on my way up to 39 to meet my copywriting partner Laddie. The last couple of weeks everytime I walked by was pretty depressing, more images of death from Israel/Lebenon, increasing insurgent and secretarian violence in Iraq, Iran gaining nuclear capabilities without any kind of deterrent, China waiting for the right time to announce to the world that they own our asses...

But then something magical happend. Last week I was walking by and as I passed the TV, I did not see death and destruction, but rather someone had changed the channel to a showing of "Juwanna Man." And suddenly it all made sense. "Juwanna Mann" is key to peace in the Middle East. Here's a summary of the zany hijinx that ensue during the movie:

"Juwanna Mann follows the story of Jamal Jeffries, the reigning 'bad boy' of basketball, whose undisciplined on-and-off-court antics have him indefinitely suspended from the league, without any prospects. Financially in trouble and untrained in anything but basketball, Jamal comes up with an outrageous plan that just might work: dress up like a woman and try out for the WUBA, the woman's basketball league. He makes it, but now he faces a challenge - to stop being Jamal and become Juwanna. Matters become even more complicated when Juwanna realizes that he is falling for his teammate Michelle, who shows him that there is more to women."

Hahahahhahahaha? Get it?? It's like a GUY, who dresses up as GIRL to play BASKETBALL!!! Haahahahaha! It works on so many levels! Who can't laugh at that?!? Seriously! So I truly believe that the humor of "Juwanna Mann" can be embraced by Israelis, Lebonese, Syrians, Palestinians, Iranians, and Iraqis. The humor of "Juwanna Mann" translates to every culture. Maybe Condoleezza Rice should've brought a copy of the movie with her to the peace talks and been like, "Guys, guys, you gotta see this shit!" Because all those foreign delegates watching "Juwanna Mann" would probably be more productive than what she's been doing over there.

Shout out to AARON WIGGAN, keepin it fresh for you suckas at the Adcenter '06 - '07. He's Canadian, so the fact that he reads my blog means brownsugarspeaks has gone international bitches. NHL '94 for life. I leave you all with this image courtesy of Jim Wegener. What's the deal with this shitty Wayans brother movie?

Adrenalin shots of penicillin could not get the illin to stop

2006-07-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

I fucking love public transportation. The bus. The el. Everything. Yes, sometimes it smells like urine, but take for instance what happend the other day while I was waiting for a bus. I was sitting at the stop waiting for the #8 bus to go up Halsted when two black guys walked up and sat right next to me. The one sitting directly next to me had a Best Buy bag and the other was reading a magazine. Immediately after sitting down this guy with the Best Buy bag just starts talking to me, I wasn't even looking at him or anything.

Bag guy: Yeah muthafucka. I got me a muthafuckin Toshiba laptop today. Got me a fuckin video card and some RAM. I got Halo 2 on this bitch...
Me: Word?
Bag guy: Now I'm gonna install this shit tonight, and kill some muthafuckin aliens nigga!
Magazine guy: (Without taking eyes off magazine) Yeah son, tell him.

I would have expected the conversation to have happend if they approached I had been like "Fuck you bitch, I bet you $500 you DO NOT have a Toshiba laptop and Halo 2 in that bag. You know what, fuck that, $1000!! Answer me muthafucka! ANSWER ME!!!!" Nice guys though. We talked more about killing the Covenant and where to eat in Chicago... I've felt that way before though, been so happy about a purchase and just have to tell every damn person around that I bought it. Like the Beastie Boys DVD Anthology (now on sale at local retailers!). But my point is I've met so many genuinely funny people on the bus and el (more on the bus), I enjoy not having a car.

I've started skating and its fucking awesome. Kinda mad I didn't start earlier. I bought a board of ebay and my friend Ron helped me assemble that shit. The board's tentative name is "Garlic Naan." I shall post pictures soon of me busting my ass. Nothing really touches having some beers, listening to the Clipse, and skating around until 6am searching for a hot dog stand.

They are making a new Rocky movie.

The following are plotlines for the next three Rocky movies.

ROCKY VI - Rocky meets his greatest challenge yet when he must fight an enhanced cyborg Apollo Creed brought back from the dead by Oscorp. Much like Robocop, however, Apollo's old memories begin to resurface even in his half-machine/half-human state, and he spends most of the movie singing James Brown's "Living in America" a la Rocky IV. Even with Apollo's bionic titanium body and heat vision, Rocky emerges victorious.

ROCKY VII - Rocky meets his greatest challenge yet when he must fight the mutated Mr. T/Ivan Drago hybrid werebeast. If he doesn't win, the fate of Middle Earth hangs in the balance and will be lost to darkness forever. Luckily Rocky has the lovable sidekick, the Ghost of Apollo Creed to help him on his wacky adventure to destroy the one ring of power. Even with it's two-headed-werebeast ferocity, Rocky emerges victorious.

ROCKY VIII: IN SPACE - Rocky meets his greatest challenge yet when he must fight the entire population of Central America. I'll let the reader guess where space travel comes into the plot. HINT: Did Cyborg Apollo Creed REALLY die in Rock VI? I've said too much.

It's the knick knack paddywhack, still ride in Cadillacs

2006-07-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

World Cup!! Woooooo!! Fuck yeah!!

I was watching the USA vs. Italy game a few weeks ago with my friend Stephanie when I discovered how to focus my aggression against the team I want to lose. Even though the 2006 U.S. World Cup Team might have been the most overhyped team in sports history, I still wanted them to win. So I began to add my own commentary to the game. Hey, I'll admit I had a few in me. Everytime they showed an Italian player arguing with a ref/another player/talking to themselves in anger I would loudly insert stereotypical phrases in the most stereotypical accent I could provide. For example... "Mama mia!! That'sa spicy meatball!!"

"Itsameeee, Mario!!"

"Chef Boyardeeeeeeeee!!"

"Fettucine Alfredo!!"

The people in the bar wearing Italy jerseys weren't big fans of my commentary. My point is, although my commentary didn't stop Italy reach the finals and nearly led me to getting my ass kicked by a group of Italians, football is awesome. I was routing for Ghana the whole tournament. I love how two countries can play and it doesn't matter if your country's GDP is 700,000 times larger than the other countries GDP, if your country loses to the other country, you suck. All the technological and economic superiority becomes moot. You lost. See you in four years shithead.

I think I'm gonna start playing cricket.

I get it, just how I live, cause me without a gun is like Queens without the bridge

2006-06-28T14:55:00.003-07:00

Classic Cut!

So this past weekend me and some my friends from my internship went to the Intonation festival here in Chicago. It was so fucking incredible my head exploded... twice. Two days of really good music for $30. You can't beat that shit. The highlight of the festival was Ghostface Killah's performance and afterwards when I got to meet him. Here's what our conversation went like:

Me: Yo, FUCK LAFFY TAFFY!
Ghostface Killah: Yeah kid!
Me: Man, you are like, a hip hop god.
Ghostface Killah: Yo, I respect honesty, you know?
Asshole concert organizer guy: Please move it along.
Ghostface Killah: MAN FUCK YOU! GHOST WILL FUCK YOU UP!!

Well the last line didn't happen, but it would've been sweet if it had. So here are some pictures from Ghostface's set. The Wu-catalogue is so huge, he performed so many classics. But his two best cuts were "Biscuits" and "Be Easy." If you don't have those songs, download that shit! Front row bitch! Then my girl Pam got on stage with Ghost for "Cher Chez La Ghost." So dope. This was probably the closest I'll ever come to seeing a Wu-Tang concert so I alsmot shit myslef when he started performing songs from 36 Chambers. And he signed this poster for me! GHOSTFACE/RAEKWON IN '08!

Over the two day festival I got to hang out with Devin the Dude... The MAIP interns with Devin. I got to see the next big thing in hip hop, Lupe Fiasco, a native son of Chi-town. Then I go to see some pro-black militant hip hop from dead prez. I think their show was a close second to Ghostface. The bass from the performance annihilated my eardrums, much like the Deathstar did to that one planet. But it was worth it. Then the whole weekend ended with Bloc Party. A really high energy performance, but they lacked the swagger that can only be brought by one Ghostface Killah. Still a really good set though. They even had a smoke machine..... And this is just a cool picture my friend Ron took of me and Pam waiting for dead prez to come on.
In other news, I was reading today that the Israeli operation to save a kinapped solider is called "Operation Summer Rain." Now, I'm not an expert, but I would say in combat situation you probably don't want to have your invading military operation named after a poem made by Mrs. Johnson's Kindergarten class. You need to have an operation that scares the shit out of the other people like "Operation Desert Beatdown & Genital Removal" not "Operation Chocolate Rainbow Kittens." I wasn't even like "Operation Summer Reign," as in "we own you bitches, don't step to the king! who's hoooooouse?! jeeeewwwwwws house!!" What I'm trying to say is that I should be the head of Mossad.

Lastly, if you haven't seen it yet, check this shit out.

Get word to the DJ, tell em Staten Island's in the house, put the record on replay

2006-06-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

I went to St. Louis this past weekend to visit some friends and get some House of India. I had a really good time. My weekend started off well when the creative directors for Bud Light really liked some scripts I made. That made me feel less of an advertising scrub. On top of that they served chicken fingers, macaroni & cheese, and Bud Light at the lunch meeting. This place is fucking awesome. After the meeting was over I talked to some of the creatives on the Bud Light team about their writing styles and about the agency. Really cool people.

So I left work that day to go catch the bus for St. Louis. Halfway through my trip I get a phone call from none other than Jim Goldberg, holding it down in New York. He calls to inform me that he, Nate, Dave, and Verocchi proceeded to finish between them 40 beers, each for $0.45 each. This is a transcript of the conversation we had. I think I got 4-5 sentences out in this conversation. I'll try to mimic slurring.

Jay: Hello?
Jim: Jay! TellyurcrewtobeEASY! Haaaa!
Jay: Hey man! How are you doi--
Jim: Where the fuck are you man?! I'm in NY, and you need to get here soon!! I just had 10 beers, theyweresellingemfor45cents and-- HEY NATE! GET BACK HERE!! -- what?soare you comingover?
Jay: Dude, I'm on a bus for St. Louis right now.
Jim: Is it coming to New York??!
Jay: Uh... no.
Jim: Shit!!... WE'regonnaplay beirut man, you need to get you ass here now! Wheretheshit are we?? We've been walking in circles for hours!! WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED. I need topiss so sbad.

Goldberg you are my fucking hero dude. Tied for first place for funniest muthafucka at the Adcenter.

I arrived in St. Louis where I stayed at my friend Sarah's apartment. She is fucking awesome as well. So I spent some of the time in St. Louis walking around Wash U and seeing how much better the school is now that I've left. The new Sam-Fox building looks pretty ridiculous. I wish I had that instead of the fucking computer trailer with no windows. But the trip to St. Louis was good: ate at House of India, hung out at Blue Hill, watched World Cup, saw good friends.

This weekend I'm going to the Intonation festival which will be fucking incredible. The line-up includes The Streets, Dead Prez, Bloc Party, Devin the Dude, Lupe Fiasco, and GHOSTFACE KILLAH. I'm trying really hard to sell Bud Light script ideas that include Ghostface Killah and/or Brian Dennehy.

Although pulling off that combo for the State Farm or Sea World accounts might pack a bigger punch. It would be set up as buddy-cop story line. Dennehy is the strictly by-the-books veteran and Ghostface is his crazy new rookie partner. Every commercial will end with Denehy screaming at Ghostface that he "wrecked an entire freeway without getting any evidence! you keep this up Ghost and you'll be doing traffic duty the rest of your life!" Cut to Seaworld logo. Sold.

Watch what you say, you get carried away, you can get shot and carried away

2006-06-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

J.J. Redick. You fucking moron. Of all the times do get a DUI. Let's get one a week before the draft. UNC WHAT!!

In other news today I was put on the Bud Light account to make T.V. commercials. I'm in heaven.

Shaking to bake, shaking the jakes, Kill you shoot the funeral up and Harlem Shake at your wake

2006-06-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

First things first, Chicago is fucking amazing. I love this city and everything about it. The people, the culture, the food, everything. If I rated cities by the movies in the Batman franchise, Chicago would be "Batman Begins." Richmond would probably be "Batman meets Scooby-Doo" or some shit I remember seeing when I was six. But DDB is an awesome agency. Working with cool people, learning a lot. Lots of pictures to come. But first, here is a better picture I found when I was back in Augusta before I came to Chicago. It is basically my favorite picture ever since it is the photograph I know of that brings together human incarnation of pure unbridled evil and the the human incarnation of all things good in this world...
Dick Cheney and my father. My father is my hero because he is the best human being I've ever known. He has spent his life heping others and being humble, even though he can open-heart operate circles around 99% other doctors. Then you have Dick Cheney who recently devoured a litter of orphaned kittens. Small, cute orphaned kittens with large, dough eyes. I don't know why he's in this picture. My dad's not really a Republican. He's not really a Democrat either. The only political opinion I've heard him give is that he'll kick the shit (my words, not his) out of anyone who ruins the environment. The vice president almost looks good natured in this picture, like a loving grandfather who will not shoot you in the face while hunting. But much like Winston Zeddemore in "Ghostbusters II," I discovered that when developing the picture the face of Cheney changed, much like that of Vigo.
As the image began to appear the room began to erupt in flames and I heard an ungodly voice screaming at me to "Serve and Feed the Dark One with Goat Blood." I had just eaten some Taco Bell though, and since their meat usually causes me to hallucinate I didn't really think anything of it. Then I developed close-ups of my dad revealing a halo.
If anyone is still reading this, I would take two things from this entry: 1) My dad will fight and destroy Dick Cheney. It will be hand to hand combat, but my father will destroy Cheney easily with his telekentic mind bullets. 2) Never leave the white boy open for the three. Guaranteed bucket.

I'm going to eat some deep dish pizza.

I joke when I say I'm the best, but you know a lot of truth is said in jest

2006-05-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

I'm done. Halfway to my Master's Degree. And this picture of Harrison basically describes my state of inebriation between Thursday and Monday. A lot of good times this past week. Chicago is gonna kick ass.

We done rocked shows abroad, and slept on floors, trying to figure out what the fuck we gettin' slept on for

2006-05-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

I was walking around campus today, and as I was turning a croner I hear someone yell at me. I turned and there were three guys, one of which pointed at me and said "Hey man! Do you go to school at VCU?" to which I responded:

"Yeah."
"Hey, are you that can who got arrested for that drug bust?"
"Uh... no."
"Shit man, you look just like him!!"
"...Thanks?"
"Dammit, I need some herb."

As him and his friends turned and started to walk away I overheard "I swear it was him man... I saw his picture, looked like a terrorist. Just like that guy!" God I love the South.

I got to see The Roots perform with Common last Monday and I must say it was quite fucking awesome. "Be" is a pretty incredible album, only it's like 20 minutes long. Other than that, Common pretty much blew Black Thought out of the water, performance-wise. The greatest part of seeing The Roots live is the band, not so much Black Thought although Black Thought's rhymes on the album and guest appearances are pretty dope. ?uestlove's percussion is incredibile and the highlight of The Roots set was the medley they did at the end. Quality shit. Check 'em out if you get the chance.

I've made a decision to start writing in a journal again. I first started back in 2000, and July of 2000 to October of 2001 is pretty well documented, then it kinda fell to shit. That one was much more direct writing, but I bought a moleskin today... I shall call him MOLESKOR. He will be filled with my random ass thoughts too personal to but on this "web log" and hopefully I can regain my drawing ability I seem to have lost somewhere through college.

Kobe Bryant is a bitch.

I went from, brothas telling me I really couldn't rhyme, to droppin the classic album muhfuckas couldn't find

2006-05-04T12:14:00.000-07:00

Buy this album.

Little Brother's "The Minstrel Show."

Please.

It is prbably the best hip hop album since Jay-Z's "Blueprint."

Incredible beats (soul provided by 9th Wonder), incredible rhymes (lyrics provided by Phonte and Big Pooh), that move between the dope and the hilarious. This is one of the few hip hop albums where the skits are actually really funny. For everyone who complains hip hop is just recycled garbage should cop this album. This album is hop hop at it's best.

In other news, I'll be working in Chicago this summer working for an advertising agency DDB. Gonna see some Cubbies games, maybe take in a few incredible concerts, eat a shitload at Taste of Chicago, beat the shit out of Roger Ebert for giving "Air Bud" 3 stars, all while creating advertisments that make you not want to change the channel/turn the page.

My apartment kinda looks like a crackhouse. Throwing out trash is overated. Maya, please come visit me again so 1) I can see my favorite relative, and 2) it forces me clean up this urnine soaked hellhole.

My friends and I have started a new phrase that I hope will catch out around the country. When you say "I'm listening to Sean Paul," it really means you're masturbating (i.e... "Ross is going home to listen to Sean Paul") I could explain the logic we had from moving from listening to to Sean Paul to masturbation, but that really takes the magic out of the phrase.

Last but not least, check this shit out .

Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthin to fuck wit.

I seen her on the ave, spotted her more than once, ass so fat that you could see it from the front

2006-04-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

I've never really talked about advertising in my blog, even though I've chosen to dedicate myself to it the rest of my life. I was reading my friend Ranjit's blog and he hasd a post about advertising. I love bad advertising like I love bad movies. I love to make fun of it. I think me and my friend Seth saw the Papa John's commercial for "We Got the Meat!" (set to the tune of the Go-Go's classic pop anthem "We Got the Beat") 700 times over the course of first round March Madness and it just got more and more hilarious. Earlier this year I saw an ad for some kinda cranberry-bread crumb cereal, which exclaimed "THEY'RE CRUMBELIEVABLE!" sung to EMF's - Unbelievable. Fucking brilliant. Like Paul Wall brilliant. If I ever turned in something like that one of my professors, Coz, would probably fucking kill. Seriously. This is the guy that John Goodman met and decided to base his character on for "The Big Lebowski." No bullshit. But I digress...

So yeah, there's shitty advertising (albeit hilarious), and it's fucking everywhere. But good advertising is why I'm doing what I'm doing now. It makes you stop and think "holy shit." For example, check out this guerilla advertising done in India by an agency called Grey. The effort for Childcare, an orginization in India aiming to help more than 20 Million Indian Children who beg on the streets each day. Amazing use of a medium. IF that doesn't create awareness, I don't know what does. If I saw that I'd be thinking about it all day. The brilliant advertising in today's bullshit filled world of communication breaks through the monotony and stays with the viewer. I think good advertising is capable of really great things, there just needs to be more of it.

Now for some random cool shit. There is a new type of water installation that utilize computers to time he rate at which water falls from each spout. The result is the ability to show moving images on a wall of water. Shit is crazy son!

Then here is a link to a website, which once I saw, I thought "Why the fuck didn't I think of this?" A really amazing way of showing both sides of the immigration problem in this country.
The Border Film Project.

And lastly, if you are a fan of hip hop (not bullshit Black Eyed Peas hip hop, but the non-vomit inducing stuff) pick up Ghostface Killah's new album "Fishscale." Really good stuff. The Wu-Tang cut on it is ridiculous as well. Be Easy!

Cause it's all high spirit, you know you got to hear it, don't touch the mic, baby don't come near it

2006-04-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

M.I.A. is the most beautiful person on earth and I want to marry her.

I'm drinking Snapple Peach Iced Tea right now and it is delicious as well as refreshing.

I admit I fell in love with a friend, and to make her feel special I let her call my by my government name

2006-03-31T21:53:00.000-08:00

Here is my love making playlist. I meant to give it to my close friends a while back but never got around to it, then realized everyone should have it. It has evolved since freshman year in college. The first variation began when I tried to come up with one audio cd that was flawless for getting down. Then everybody began making suggestions and it has now become this unstoppable entity below for you to use.... Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Word.

1) D'angelo - Feel Like Making Love
2) 311 - Amber
3) Busta Rhymes ft. Janet - What's It Gonna Be?!?
4) Craig David ft. Mos Def andd Nate Dogg - Seven Days (Premier Remix)
5) G-Unit - I Wanna Get To Know You
6) Ben Harper - Sexual Healing (live)
7) B.I.G. ft. Total - One More Chance (Remix)
8) Elliott Smith - No Name #3
9) Bilal - Soul Sista
10) Bob Marley - Is This Love?
11) Dave Matthews ft. Tim Reynolds - Crash Into Me (live)
12) LL Cool J - Doin It
13) Aaliyah - Rock the Boat
14) Smashing Pumpkins - Landslide
15) Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlantcism
16) Lauryn Hill ft. D'angelo - Nothing Even Matters
17) B.I.G. ft. R.Kelly - Fucking You Tonight
18) Van Morrison and Bob Dylan - Crazy Love
19) Coldplay - Trouble
20) Incubus - Aqueous Transmission
21) Outkast - Spottieottiedopaliscious
22) Dave Matthews ft. Tim Reynolds - Love Lay Down (live)
23) Jamie Foxx - Get This Money
24) Incubus - Stellar (acoustic)
25) Miles Davis - Blue in Green
26) Beck - Missing
27) Al Green - Let's Stay Together
28) D'Angelo - Brown Sugar
29) Dr. Dre ft. Devin the Dude and Snoop Dogg - Fuck you
30) Foo Fighters - Everlong
31) Mogwai - Small Children in the Background
32) Mos Def - The Panties
33) Weezer - Only in Dreams

I know what you're thinking? "Jay? How the fuck does B.I.G.'s - Fucking you tonight transition to Van Morrision's - Crazy Love? You crazy Indian bastard. You've crossed the line. You idiot. You fucking idiot." Calm down. It just works. Trust a brother. Shout out to Eric Kuhn and Amy Goldstein who helped compile the original list.

I wouldn't wanna try to match my persona, sometimes rhymin' I blow my own mind like Nirvana

2006-03-03T07:44:00.000-08:00

Man, Andrew W.K. is fucking awesome. I haven't listened to his album "I Get Wet" in a while, but upon listening to it I got really mad I missed his concert in St. Louis in 2004 that my roomates went to. Jim nearly got his neck broken and Sam got onstage and discovered the gratest dance on the planet. According to drunk 300 lb. man doing the dance onstage nextto Sam, the dance is called "Picking up Quarters." Here is an example of "picking up quarters" as performed by a Vietnamese man.

Repeat x700

"Picking up quarters" must be done incredibly fast, ideally when drunk. Although this Vietnamese man illustrates this dance well, no one can do it better than one Sam Barclay. Everyone should buy this album. At KWUR, a dj had written a review of the cd saying to "never play this garbage," so jim and I made it a point to play every chance we could. Party til you puke.

Ghostaface Killah of the Wu-Tang Clan had a great fuckin quote the other day that I read. Upon hearing the song "Laffy Taffy" by D4L Ghost responded:

"Stop supporting that bullshit."

Amen Ghost. "Laffy Taffy" is the fucking death rattle of hip hop.

And Wu-Tang is for the children.

The remix with me up on it, I copped your shit, now I break weed up on it

2006-02-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

I'm not much of a text messaging man, but here are the best text messages I've recieved in the past 6 months (in chronological order).

Recieved from: Murphman, 11:48 AM, 7/27/05
"Stealth comes out this Friday. We must go forth and see it drunk and ruin it for everyone in the theater."

Recieved from: Murphman, 9:49 AM, 9/15/2005
"Maters!"

Recieved from: Harrison, 3:40 AM, 9/30/2005
"Dudt gm dqunj"

Recieved from: Harriet Tub-man, 5:18 PM, 10/6/2005
"POWER EXTREME!"

Recieved from: Murphman, 9:47 PM, 12/24/2005
"I've got the gun! The badge will come later!"

Recieved from:: Michelle, 9:42 AM, 12/25/2005
"Good time last night, although I felt guilty desecrating Jesus' B-day cake. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!"

Recieved from: Jamie, 12:48 PM, 1/2/2006
"I love you Jay... You're a handsome man"

Recieved from: Funk French, 7:43 PM, 1/20/2006

FF (7:43 PM) - "What was the name of the gladiator porn?"
Jay (7 44 PM) - "....."
FF (7:45 PM) - "You know. Like lord of the g string"
Jay (7:46 PM) - "....."
FF (7:47 PM) - "SHUT UP! I'M DRUNK!"

Recieved from: Nate, 1/27/2006
"Fuck you jay"

Recieved from: Murphman, 11:28 AM, 2/3/2006
"Meeeh ha! My name is Dildo Saggins!"

Recieved from: Amy, 8:18 PM, 2/14/2006,
"Chipotle"

I had an interview in Washington D.C. yesterday for a job this summer at an advertising firm. I think it went pretty well, but I could've done better on some questions. Note to self: Don't quote Too $hort in my next interview. But I had on a new suit and looked pretty fucking fly if I do say myself, so I was mizzad cizzonfident! Afterwards I got hang out with my old roomate Sam "High Hampton" Barclay. He picked me up in Georgetown and this is how one of our conversations went as we were driving to get some food...

Sam: So I've quit smoking pot.
Jay: No fucking way! How long has it been?
Sam: Three weeks.
Jay: .....
Sam: And I smoked once last week...
Jay: So one week...
Sam: Listen! I turned down weed 12 times in a row, which is pretty fucking amazing for me. The one time I smoked, the guy who offered me would have been incredibly offended if I refused.
Jay: So now that you;re qutting, I can't call you "High Hampton" anymore can I?
Sam: Sure you can Jay. I'm high on life.

Needless to say, I was awesome seeing Sam again and getting to hang out with him for a few hours. It wa also a trip going back to Georgetown where I hadn't been to since my summer program back in 2000. The same fortune teller was inthe same building who told me I was going to become a doctor. I still remember thinking "That's funny, do you stereotype everyone who comes in here? Or just the Indians?" But she was right! Here I am, 6 years later in Med School, on my way to becoming the greatest doctor in the world!!

DIP-SET!

In my Bentley bumpin Prince shit, this is "When Doves Cry," this is what it sounds like when hollow-tip slugs fly

2006-02-10T15:09:00.000-08:00

Here are the 15 Greatest Hip Hop Albums of All Time according to Jay Kamath. If you don't like hip hop and you've been reading my blog recently I apologize, but then again, you have shitty taste in music. These albums are in no order, but each is a fucking stone cold classic, so go buy that shit if you don't own it or I'll burn you copy. This entry was a long time coming...

"You know why I like Wu-Tang Clan? Because every single one of them muthafuckas can rap his ass off." - Ice-T

Well put Mr. Cop Killa, well put. Released in 1993, I think "36 Chambers" was the album that got the ball rolling for the New York rebirth after the West Coast gangsta rap domination. A lot of people credit "Illmatic" or "Ready to Die," but those were released in' 94. I had never heard anything like this album when I first listened to it. Crazy beats compliments of RZA who spliced in samples from kung-fu movies? What the fuck? Plus these crazy bastards acted more like super heroes, with alter egos dropping street knowledge with lyrics that blew my head back.

Key Tracks: "C.R.E.A.M."/ "Shame on a..."/ "Wu-Tang Clan ain't Nuttin to Fuck Wit".... Ah fuck it, the whole album!

"Stankonia" is brilliant, but "Aquemini" is a masterpiece. "Aquemini" had so much more melody and actual songcraft to its music as compared to other dominant albums of the day. Jay-Z's "Hard Knock Life: Vol 2" was dominated by hard, rigid beats brought ot by DJ Premier and Swizz Beatz. "Aquemini" just changed the way I thought hip hop could be, and what it SHOULD be. "Spottieottiedopaliscious" is hands down one of the best grooves of our generation.

Key Tracks: "Skew It on the Bar-B"/ "Rosa Parks"/ "Spottieottiedopaliscious"/ "Da Art of Storytellin' (Pt. 1)"

"Black on Both Sides." Damn. My old art teacher Mr. Pacheco gave this to me to listen to my senior year of high school when I was bitching about how much shitty hip hop I was hearing on the radio. The first time I listened to it it solidified in my mind that this emcee was on my top five dead or alive (he's number 2). Like Oukast, Mos Def seemed more interested in the music of hip hop rather than some bullshit persona that 95% rappers try to maintain on records. His rhyming style had so many metaphors, layered meaning, internal rhymes and at the same time saying somethng as opposed the "bullshit ice rap" that was dominating ariwaves at the time (thank you Mr. West). Best part of the album is "Rock N Roll" where Mos rips into a thrash rendition of how all white people playing rock suck ass.... awesome. I don't know why I like this album more than Blackstar's... Maybe if Pacheco gave me that album I'd be leaning towards it.

Key Tracks: "Hip Hop"/ "Ms. Fat Booty"/ "Do It Now"/ "Umi Says"/ "Rock N Roll"/ "Know That"

For some of the other albums on this list, I can see how some people would consider them only masterpieces in the genre of hip hop (you're idiots), but not with Illmatic. I think this is one of the best albums of all time. Any genre. Doesn't matter. The best producers of the time working with the a hugry lyricist that people are calling "the second coming of Rakim." Beautiful album. "Memory Lane (Sittin' in da Park)" tied for best songs of all time. The only thing I hate about this album is listnening to it and realizing how bad Nas' career is compared to what was promised on this album.

Key Tracks: I'm too lazy to list the entire album.

"I wanted to be mad when I first heard this album with white boys rapping. But I couldn't. The music was so undeniably good." - ?uestlove

ALI BABA AND THE FORTY THIEVES!!! Amen ?uestlove. Classic debut album. In my opinion, the Beasties are constantly overlooked by the hip hop community for their contributions to the style and to popular music. It's been my theory that a lot of hip hop publications turned their back on the Beasties after this album when they produced "Paul's Bouttique" because they had left Def Jam and no longer had a "black" hand in the creation of their music so it was therfore deemed void of credibility. Bullshit. Anyways, this album was Rick Rubin at his best, combined with the trademark Beastie three man weave flow, stone cold classic sucka.

What's amazing about this album is that B.I.G. was actually IMPROVING as an emcee. I remember when "Hypmotize" dropped back in when I was in 8th grade (shit, was it that long ago?), and this album just gets better and better ther more and more I listen to it. A double album from the greatest emcee of all time at the top of his game... When I listen to this album I get so mad that he was killed. I wonder of all the music that was in him. I think this album is better than Ready to Die, purely based on Biggie's versatility. "Notorious Thugs?" I think I crapped myself when I heard that song for the first time.

Key Tracks: "Hypnotize"/ "Kick in the Door"/ "Fucking You Tonight"/ "I Love the Dough"... Fuck it... everything!

REMEMBER ME?!?! Let's get something out of the way: ENCORE is a terrible album. Like, horrendously bad. It's just so apparent that Eminem is bored with music and rap. After the Marshall Mathers LP, I don't blame him. There was nothing else to prove really. Eminem is not a great producer. Thank God he left the production up to others for the MMLP. Em spends most of the time coming up with lyrics that 99% of rappers wish they thought of. "Bitch Please II" is one of the best posse cuts of all time and "Kim" is the best/fucked up break-up song of all time. His storytelling ability rivals Biggie or even Ice Cube. Brilliant.

Key Tracks: "Kill You"/ "Remember Me?"/ "Bitch Please II"/ "Kim"/ "The Way I Am"

Nostolgia influences the way people see art (something I've been trying to explain to my boy Mike for a while now). And I think nostolgia gives this album an unfair advantage. I have too many good memories of listneing to this album freshman year (it dropped on September 11th, 2001 but I didn't pick up till December 2001). But this album is so sick. "Takeover," forget Jay-Z destroying Nas, that is handsdown one of the best diss track, hip hop tracks ever. That beat is so fucking dope. "Ether" is basically Nas telling Jay-Z he's gay like 200 times ina row. Yeah, "cock-a-fella records," I get it. The first time I heard "Takeover" I thoght "Who the fuck produced this? Kanye West? I don't know who the hell he is but this beat makes me want to beat the shit out of some cute furry kittens it's so damn hard." The best part of the album (as stated my every hip hop fan on the planet) is that a ridiculous spitting Eminem is the only guest on the entire album. Finally we get to hear Hov by himslef tearing up every beat that every ridiculous producer threw at him.

Key Tracks: "The Ruler's Back"/ "Takeover"/ "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)"/ "Girls, Girls, Girls"/ "Never Change"/ "U Don't Know"

It was tough picking between The Chronic and 2001. Both classic, but I feel 2001 is too much nostolgia factor. The original Chronic just trumps 2001 musically. Too groundbreaking... Ah fuck it.

Both too good to keep off the list. Xxplosive! Westcoast shit!

"The Infamous" seems to be looked over on too many Greatest lists. I guess "Ready to Die" and "Illmatic" just eclipsed everthing in 94. I'm a huge fan of dark, ominous beats, and this album is the king of that. The lyrics blend with the beats so well it's amazing (surpasssed possibly by only "Illmatic.") Havoc is an amazing producer. While Prodigy has kinda devolved into the average gangsta rapper today, this album was when he was spitting out classic lines every other bar during the NY resurgance of hip hop.

Key Tracks: "The Start of Your Ending (41st Side)"/ "Survival of the Fittest"/ "Shook Ones Pt II"/ "Eye for an Eye"

I hope to God the new Fugees album is on par with "The Score." That would be too good to be true. But hearing the first single, I'm not gonna hold my breath. I read all these crtiics reviews of this album ,and it gets dissed because of of the "cover songs." All two of them. Have you dipshits listened to the rest of the fucking album? Incredible shit. I was tempted to put "The Miseducation of LAuryn Hill" on the list, but that album isn't as hip hop as "The Score." It's damn soulful though, just not as hip hop. Anyways, "The Score": Wyclef on the boards, Lauryn on the mic, and Pras kept to a minimal on the mic. Wyclef kinda knew that Pras is only good for 5-6 bars, and thats why you only hear him for brief spurts ont he album... if not for Wyclef, "The Score" could've bcome "Ghetto Superstar." If L-Boogie had not gone insane and produced more amazing albums, she would probably be on my Top 5 (Dead or Alive). But I think I loved this album so much when it came out becuase it was an alternative to all the 2pac shit out there. I love this album. "I need four chicken wings fried hard as shit!"

Key Tracks: "Family Business"/ "Ready or Not"/ "Fu-gee-la"/ "How Many Mics"/ "Killing Me Softly"

I think Cassidy, Fabolous, and every other emcee coming out today should be beaten with this album to make them realize they should stop rapping becuase all they are going to say has already been said before them and way better. I mean... even Memphis Bleek is amazing on the album. And that kid has put out garbage consistenly through his whole career. I constantly debate with myself over which is better "Reasonable Doubt" or "The Blueprint" (much like the debate in my mind between "pinkerton" or the "The Blue Album"). Two classics for different eras I suppose. But every cut on this album is incredible. Some people listening to it today might think its trite, but Jay-Z and Frank White basically created the whole playa-persona in hip hop which is being copied even today. Not to mention that the album has one of the two callabo's between Jay-Z and Biggie Smalls. That alone makes it a classic. Can I live?

Key Tracks: "Can't Knock the Hustle"/ "Coming of Age"/ "Can I Live"/ "Brooklyn's Finest"/ "D'Evils"

"I got a letter from the government, the other day/ I opened, and read it, it said they was suckas!" I really can't write anything that hasn't already been written about Public Enemy or this album, so I'm not going to try. But you need to buy it.

Key Tracks: "Don't Believe the Hype"/ "Bring the Noise"/ "Night of the Lving Baseheads"/ "Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos"

Biggie Smalls is the Illest! Dude fuckin shoots himself at the end of album... Genius. No one can top that shit on the hardcore scale. The only reason that this album is better than "Life After Death" is that Puff Daddy keeps his "Yeah... Ughn... Yeah-ing" to a minimal allowing Big to shine.

Key Tracks: "Gimme the Loot"/ "Unbelievable"/ "Juicy"/ "Respect"/ "Warning"/ "Big Poppa"

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Eric B. & Rakim - Paid in Full
Ice Cube - AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted
Tribe Called Quest - Low End Thoery
Deltron3030 - Deltron3030

There you go. Now, I know what you're thinking: Jay? No BDP? No Snoop? No Run-DMC? No Paul Wall?... Yeah I know. Those are all classics too, but in the end when it comes to art, nostolgia is a huge chunk in how people feel about something. If I've left off something you thought should be on it, feel free to say so, and I'll tell you how you're wrong.

In the meantime, I'm patiently waiting for the new Busta Rhymes album to come out.

You expect me to wreck any cassette deck, I'm so ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet

2006-02-01T13:21:00.000-08:00

I was taking a break earlier this week from working on an ad campaign, and decided to watch some TV. Low and behold on TNT was my favorite Bond movie of all time: Tomorrow Never Dies! Why is this my favorite Bond movie? Not because of the action scenes, or the witty Bond lines, but because of Götz Otto's Oscar caliber performance as "Stamper," Jonathan Pryce's henchman.

Here a picture of Stamper.
Basically when the writers for Tomorrow Never Dies got together they began brainstorming about what the character of Stamper (his name always screamed in the movie as "SHTAMPA!!!") should be. Here is an excerpt from the transcript of that meeting.

John: So... This "Stamper" character... How can we make him evil?
Steve: German.
John: Swish!
Steve: OK! Steve-o is en fuego! Let's keep this rolling! Ok, ok, ok... Follow me here. Just go with me. Stamper is dressed like a Vidal-Sassoon model and the only dialogue he says are derivatives of German stereotypes!
John: Dude, you fucking rock! Let's do some blow!

Here is a picture of Stampa in one of his many riveting action sequences
"ICH BIN EIN SCHTAMPAAAA!!!!"

For several years after the release of Tomorrow Never Dies, I was hoping that a spin-off movie was going to me made starring Stamper. Somehow he survived getting blown up in a nuclear missile silo on a stealth boat off the coast of China (as Bond traps him on a missilee set to detonate, Stamper screams "NIEN! NIEEEEN!!" as any evil German would), and returned as a hired mercenary paired with a wacky sidekick (Rob Schneider) that solve crimes in 18th century London!

Stampa contemplates shoving this torture device up his ass to distract himself from the pain of playing another German stereotype role in an American film. All Stampa really wants to do is interpretive dance. But the silly Americans don't recognize Stampa's potential.

Stampa cups his groin in anticipation of beating the shit out of Pierce Brosnan. NIEEEEEN!!

I got the diamonds and the ice all hand set, I might cause a cold front if I take a deep breath

2006-01-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

What it do.

I'm starting a petition to get Paul Wall's album "The People's Champ" nominated for "Best Comedic Album of the Year." The Recording Academy consistently overlooks the best talent in the industry. Even the album cover is a work of art. I still can't figure out if he's smiling or if someone just took a Louisville Slugger to his crotch. A new "Mona Lisa" for the ages I suppose. But back to the Grammy, everything Paul Wall says is comedic gold. Here are some of my favorite Paul Wall lines...

My teeth are mind blowin givin everybody chillz
Call me George Foreman cause I'm sellin everybody grillz

I got the internet goin nuts
But T. Farris got my back so now I'm holdin my nuts

You see me acting bad, I'm showing out and pulling stunts
Say cheese and show my fronts, it's more karats than Bugs Bunny's lunch

What the hell, the first minute I got in range of the nearest Dell
I changed my screenname and my number, this internet pimpin still prevails

See? Fucking genius.... Years will go by and future evolved humans will realize that Paul Wall was actually the second coming of the Messiah. Then they will eating pudding with their minds because humans will be able to eat with their minds in the future.

Nothing can top the video for "Sittin Sidewayz" (featuring Big Pokey!!) though. The best part occurs at about 45 seconds into the video, with Paul Wall standing alone in the middle of the street in Houston for no apparent reason, except to flash his sweet grill! I've picked some choice frames to illustrate.

Brilliant (begin slow clap). Paul Wall just takes it to another level. His lyrical abilities touch on everything happening in the world today, from grillz, shiny grillz, and selling grillz like George Foreman. One of my resolutions for 2006 is to get my picture taken with Paul Wall. Here are some frames I decided to alter myself from "Sittin Sidewayz."

Godspeed Paul Wall.

The kids better buy my rookie card now, cause after this year the price ain't comin down

2006-01-13T12:03:00.000-08:00

Here is an an idea for an album that would make every hip hop head cream their pants.

Nas is currently working on his next album that will have all tracks produced by DJ Premier. That should be pretty dope. That will also be the last album that he is contractually obligated to do for Columbia Records. After the Jay-Z/Nas truce at Jay-Z's "I Declare War" concert back in October (I woulda given my left nut to be there- c'mon, both performing "Dead Predidents" together? Sick.), there has been a lot of speculation that Nas will sign to Def Jam, which is now headed by Jay-Z.

Nas signs to Def Jam after his album is released and it had been promoted. When Jay-Z was first discussing his ideas for his final album, not yet titled The Black Album, his original concept was to have 12-15 tracks on the album, with each track produced by one of his favorite producers. This came through some on The Black Album but some producers were used twice and the original idea was scraped. But in interviews Jay-Z had alluded to having Dr. Dre, Premier, Kanye West, Timbaland, DJ Quik, The Neptunes, Just Blaze, Rick Rubin, Marley Marl and a list of who's who in the hip hop producing world to produce one track a piece for his final solo cd.

So everyone is talking about finally hearing Nas and Jay-Z on a track together. Fuck that, why not have an entire album of them using Jay-Z's concept for the original The Black Album. Two of the best emcee's spitting together over beats by the best producers in hip hop history. It would be fucking mind blowing. Have you heard Jay-Z ft. The Notorious B.I.G. - Brooklyn's Finest? Such an incredible song, because on the low, the two of them were actually battling, so their verses get better and better as the song progresses (as with The Notorious B.I.G. ft. Jay-Z - I Love the Dough from Life after Death, Biggie coming on top each time of course). So Nas and Jay-Z wouldn't be battling on each track, more trying to outdo each other lyrically... for an entire album. Not only that, then you have the A-List producers bringing their best to the table trying to make the craziest beats possible since this album would automatically be classic.... It would be like Jay-Z and R. Kelly's Best of Both Worlds, except Nas wouldn't be arrested for urinating on underage girls... yet.

But if they did get together and do an album it would be fucking sweet if the sole Premier track was called "The Holy Trinity" and Rakim spit on the track with them.I could listen to that and die a happy man. They could also do a track called "Respect Ya Elders" where Jay-Z and Nas rip apart every shitty rapper within a 100 Billbaord spot range of them (i.e. 50 Cent, Fat Joe, The Game, Cassidy, Michael J. Fox... etc).

I'm done (drops mic).

Cali got gunplay, models on the runway

2006-01-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

'95 plus 11 pennies. Add that shit up.

Happy New Years suckas. Break began for me on the 16th of December. On the 17th I drove up to D.C. to hang out with my Veneuelan-ninja friend Juan and see my non-Venezuelan-ninja friend Mike. After hanging out with Mike in Arlington I headed up to M street to hang out with Juan and some other D.C. people. Here are some pictures from the night.

God I hate Juan.

Me and Carolyn, who is much more attractive than Juan.

Gangsta.

Hookah bar.

I spent the next two days hanging out with Juan. On Sunday we were flipping through channels and the movie "Torque" was on. Hands down greatest movie ever made... EVER.

The last 30 minutes of the movie made no fucking sense whatsoever, but it included Ice Cube on "a motorcycle with a helicopter engine in it, the fastest motorcyle ever built." What the fuck? How does that even work? No matter, it all paid off as Ice Cube drives around on this bike at super speeds beating the shit out of people in the rival gang. I honestly don't know what happend in the last 15 minutes of the movie because my brain exploded from the EXXXXXXXXTREEEEEEEEEME final chase sequence. The main character (I don't know his fucking name. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?.... the non-Ice Cube guy) gets on the helicopter bike and chases the bad guy at a speed so fast that I was waiting for him to either go back in time (which woulda been sweet, Torque 2: Colonial Thunder) or unmake the universe...

A few days after getting back from D.C., I took a vacation with my family to LA which was really nice. I went out one night with my good friends Tracy and Katy who I know my college days from Givens School of Architecture in Washington University in St. Louis. It was awesome seeing them. I forgot the name of the bar we went to, but it was a good time.

GIVENS!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

When we were waiting outside the bar to get in, I turned around to see none other than musician Todd Rubin, one fourth of the musical onslaught that is "The Hatch" who was also in my photography class.

I hung out with him and my friend Shawn who is another fourth of the dynamic sonic tsunami known as "The Hatch." It was rad running into them. Shawn and Todd told me that Jon Brion plays every Friday night in LA, but he had taken that Friday off to be in Boston to be iwth is family. Bullshit. It woulda been cool to see him play though.

Thats enough for this entry, but I'm back on schedule for the '06 suckas. Next entry will be pictures from the greatest birthday party a 23-year-old could ever have.

I couldn't wait to demonstrate all the super def rhymes that I create

2005-12-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

It's time to hand out some P.Wegen awards.

What's a P.Wegen you ask? Something akin to a Grammy really. It doesn't mean jack shit and there are enough catergories for awards so every musician on earth wins. Like the Grammy for "Best Solo Female Instrumental Reggae Performance from a Double Album recorded in Japan that sampled monkeys throwing their own shit." And whoever loses in that category will probably still win something else in the course of the night.

The first P.Wegen award was bestowed to an individual who needs no introduction. My roomates and I were waiting for the West Wing to come on Bravo (Toby Ziegler in the fucking hizzouse!), and we stumbled upon the mini-series "Revelations."

For "Best Male Performance by a a member of Limp Bizkit playing a Satan worshipper that kidnaps children and forces them to kill bunnies to move them away from God in a movie about the Christian Apocolypse" goes to...

FRED DURST! There was tough competition in that category but he pulled it off.

So basically P.Wegens are just superlatives. Shitty ones at that.

BEST USE OF SAMPLING DIALOGUE FROM IVAN DRAGO FROM ROCKY IV IN MUSIC BY A DECEASED LATINO RAPPER OVER 400 LBS

Big Punisher ft. Black Thought of The Roots - Super Lyrical of the album "Capital Punishment!!!"

Actually. That should be in superlatives for most dense internal rhymes in a rap. Download that track. So ill.

BEST SHOW ON KWUR 90.3 FM (POST "GETTING TO KNOW YOUR ARMED ASSAILANTS ERA") FEATURING A DUO OF TOPLESS DJ'S

"Making Out at Stoplights" ft DJ Madison and DJ Omaha. Thursday nights 10pm - 12am Central Time. Go to WWW.KWUR.COM to listen!

BEST RAP SINGLE OF ALL TIME

Run-DMC - Rock Box.... a damn close runner-up goes to Nas - Memory Lane (Sittin' in da Park)

GREATEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME

The Clash - London Calling

BEST VENEZUELAN NINJA/BITCH WHO NEEDS TO TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER BECAUSE I CAN SMELL HIM FROM D.C.

Juan Espinoza

BEST HIP HOP ALBUM OF ALL TIME

Still working on that..... That will be another entry.

BEST ABILITY TO KILL THE SPINOSAUR WHILE PLAYING JURASSIC PARK III AFTER WE HAD A LOT OT DRINK AT A BOWLING ALLEY IN THE BUSTLING METROPOLIS OF AUGUSTA GEORGIA OVER THANKSGIVING

Mike Soucy

MOST GRATUITOUS USE OF MISPLACED GUN FIRE ON AN ALBUM OVER BEATS

50 Cent - The Massacre

BEST SUPPORTING ROLE ON A BIKE IN FRENCH EDUCATIONAL VIDEO THAT HAS NEVER SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY, MOST LIKELY BECAUSE OF THIS INDIVIDUALS PERFORMACE IN SAID EDUCATIONAL VIDEO

William Jones

BEST SUPPORTER ACTOR PLAYING A BUTLER WHO DELIVERS SUBLIMAL NEO-CONSERVATIVE TALKING POINTS IN A MOVIE BASED ON A MILLIONAIRE WHO BECOMES A VIGILANTE TO AVENGE THE DEATH OF HIS MURDERED PARENTS

Alfred, "Batman & Robin"

Alright. I'm done for now. More P.Wegens to come in the future. I'll be busy being slowly murdered the next few weeks with an insane amount of work, so this will be the last post for a while. But before I go, I need to shout out Pat Morita who passed away over Thankgiving Break. R.I.P.

Peace! I'm out! (drops mic)

So I can rip through the ligaments, put the fuckers in a bad predicament

2005-11-19T15:11:00.000-08:00

I like to think of myself as a good person. Really. I don't wish harm on other people or rejoice in the problems other people are experiencing. But I found myself thinking that the other day. "Sea Change" is a fucking incredible album. I found myself thinking, "I'm really glad Beck and his girlfriend at the time broke up or this album would've never been created." Then I thought, "Wow, I'm a complete dickweed for thinking that." But that album is so undeniably fucking good that somtimes I can't wrap my head around it. An album this good that blows me away everytime I listen to it... Yeah, I'm glad he went through the breakup.

Verdict: Jay Kamath is an asshole.

Let me tell you dudes what I do to protect this, I shoot at you actors like movie directors

2005-11-17T17:31:00.000-08:00

Recently I've started using the term "godspeed" a lot more when I talk. It adds a lot of drama to the situtation. Me and my friend Mike were in the computer lab at the Adcenter the other day working on stuff for Business of Advertising. This is how our conversation went...

Mike: Hey man, I'm gonna go to Subway real quick and get a sandwich.
Jay: Godspeed.
Mike: .... Did you just say "Godspeed?"
Jay: Yes, I believe I did.
Mike: Dude, I'm just going to get a sandwich. You're acting like I'm going to die on the way there.
Jay: You never know.
Mike: .....
Jay: The journey to Subway is long and perilous.
Mike: (walking out of the room) Alright... I'll see you in a bit.
Jay: Yo, get me a Spicy Italian.

I spoke with my good friend Juan for about an hour Tuesday discussing his ninjitsu class and why "Batman Begins" is so fucking sweet. "Batman Begins" has ninjas AND Batman... That combination will probably save the world at some point. But back to Juan. I remember him briefly describing the fact that he was going to take ninjitsu when i was moving up to Richmond in August, but he reminded me on Tuesday. I believe he is now the first Hispanic ninja ever. He bought a sword of ebay that belonged to a Japanese Lieutenant during WWII. So i told Juan he should pass the sword on so there will be generation sof Hispanic ninjas to come.

In other news, my friend Ryan and I are going to start our own media company because although we think advertising is sweet, we want to make movies too. "Ninja Robot Media" is something we've been kicking around the office. Yes, I'm being serious.

Here is a picture of the wrestler Goldberg playing Santa in the Christmas family classic "Santa's Slay." Apparently Fran Dresher and Chris Kattan are in, both of who get killed in the first 20 minutes. I'm sure me and my friends will watch it drunk over break. Although I don't know if it will beat "Silent Night, Deadly Night 4."

Godspeed Santa. Godspeed.

Ringin it in from the new millenuim to way after that, I call these cats Reynolds cause they plastic rap

2005-11-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

Top 5 (Dead or Alive)... Check this link out.

Jin (The Emcee) gives us a lesson in Hip Hop 101.

Here are Spider-Man's top 5 (Dead or Alive).

What are mine you ask?

1) The Notorious B.I.G.
2) Mos Def
3) Eminem
4) Jay-Z
5) Big L

Nas might've been on there at one point, but anyone who has talked to me knows that I feel Nas fell of HARD in the late 90's. And while he back to form now, it's really hard to ignore the video for "NAStradamus" where he's in some white computer room spinning around in a chair like hes trapped in a scene from Kubrick's "2001." Maybe if they had shown Nas morphing into an "Altered Beast" (see previous entry) in the video, I could've let it slide.

If you like really complex lyrics that will blow your mind, check out Big L. He was gunned down in 1999, never blew up like he could have, so I feel like not enough people know about him. His shit is incredible though. Or better yet give me your address and I'll send you a mix of his stuff.

Get open, like the ocean, brothas be buggin like "He from Oakland?"

2005-11-04T01:04:00.000-08:00

Man, I really wanna play Altered Beast right now.

Next to NHL '94 for Sega, it's the greatest fucking video game ever. Let me break the game down for all 2 people who read this and for all 0 people who will still be reading my blog by the end of this sentence. I've only played the game a few times sober, but what I can glean from it you start out and this old guy with a an orb comes out of nowhere and says "RISE FROM YOUR GRAVES," but the audio on Sega combined with our shitty TV in Hurd 11 made it sound like the old guy with orb had downed about twelve white russians and is trying to talk his away out of a DUI.

But you have no time to dwell on what the fuck Old-Wizard-Orb-Man Mcgee is talking about, because you and Player 2 pop out of the ground and have to start beating the shit out of zombies and these animals that are boar-oxen-wolf-cyborgs. Well they're not cyborgs, but I've painted the picture well enough. The best thing about the game is that the screen is constantly moving to the right, pushing you forward, so you can't move back... It adds so much drama to the game.

No, I take that back. There are multiple best parts of the game. So if you beat the shit of enough boar-oxen-dog-werebeasts these floating blue orbs appear. If you get three orbs you become and ALTERED BEAST, as shown below.

Me and my friend Jim made a documentary Freshman year about a architecture project our class did. We tried in vain to superimpose the face of our professor, Bob Hansman, for the altered beast transformation into the wolfman. But we didn't have the means. We were just ahead of your time I guess. You might be asking youself "What the fuck does that have to do with architecture Jay?" Well it turns out that morphing into wolves and fighting werebest-oxen is very similar to the architectural creative design process. So anyways, at the end of the first level you have to fight this bad guy who basically looks like Uncle Fester from The Addams Family. He turns into this demon that looks like it was created from a pile of feces, shown below. The demon has a strange looks on his face, like he's eaten too much pudding.

For the second level you get to morph into fucking huge BEARS... Just like Chuck Norris in "Forest Warrior."

Then on the third level, you turn into dragons or some shit. Not nearly as cool as the bears. Then on the fourth level you're the wolves again (the fuck is up with that? You should change into Chuck Norris for level four). I've decided for whatever advertising project I have next, Chuck Norris will somehow be involved. Although it is an incredible game, I have a suggestion as to how the game could have been even more of a masterpiece...

Ok, I'm done...

The youth I used to be, soon to see a million, no more, Big Willie my game has grown prefer you call me William

2005-10-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have recently found some pictures that make me laugh my ass off.

Here is my friend Anna's Facebook picture. I enjoy the fact she has heat vision, because let's face it, heat vision is fucking sweet. I don't know what compelled her to put an image of her shooting laser beams out of her eyes, but I love her even more for it now.

This is my friend Mara's Facebook picture. As you can see, she is doing a hoedown in the middle of a cornfield by herself and having an incredibly good time. For some reason to me, it appears that there is no one within in 10 mile radius. I'd like to think Mara spends her free time setting up a tripod in random cornfields and documents herself dancing.

Here is a picture of Nelly dropping some Country Grammer outside the St. Louis Arch.

Here is a picture of me dropping some VIS COMM STL style for you bitches!

DMX was sentenced to forty days in jail this week for trying to steal a car then impersoanting a federal officer. When I read this I thought, I wonder what the conversation was like.

Officer: Um Sir, what the hell do you think you're doing?
DMX: UGHN!! WHAT!! DOGS FO LIFE MUTHAFUCKA!!! RUFF RYDERS!!
Officer: Sir, You're coming to have ot come with me.
DMX: Nah muthafucka!! Because I'm a fucking Federal Agent!!! Cops can't touch me! WHERE MY DOGS AT?!?! STOP! DROP! OPEN UP SHOP!
Officer: Taser it is...

I bomb atomically, Socrates' philosophies and hypothesis can't define how I be droppin these mockeries

2005-10-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

The following pages are the work I produced for a class I took my last semester at Wash U for an underground comic publication. Our teacher, a crazy ass bastard (in a good way) by the name of Huck, gave us all aliases under which we were to write these comics. He dubbed me "Honey Brown." Huck wanted us to draw and create the most fucked up shit we could think of like Crumb and other underground comic icons. I couldn't really draw Lil Romeo having sex with Ann Coulter and then killing her, as Huck wanted me to do.... So instead, I used my three spreads to talk about the current state of hip hop. We had to pen and ink all the drawings which kinda freaked me out at first, but I like how they turned out.

Click on the picture to make them bigger if you'd like to read them...

Quit steppin on my heel, you fuckers keep riding my flow like I'm your training wheels, ugh!

2005-10-06T17:06:00.000-07:00

So my good friend Jim sent me a message via the world wide web wth other day, with a link to a picture. What picture you ask? The picture of the cover of the Jimmy Fallon movie "The Scheme," the tagline of which is "Ain't nothin funny 'bout havin no money!" Indeed. When we were in St. Louis Jim and I would usually rent "Batman & Robin" (cinematic brilliance or neo-conservative propoganda? I'll let you decide) on a regular basis and watch it intoxicated with our other roomate Sam. At Blockbuster we would spend most of our time looking at the other shitty movies which led us to "The Scheme." I love movie posters that have the main characters on the front shrugging their shoulders saying "What's the deal with this movie?!!? My predicament in the this film is so zany!! Nothing but hilarity can ensue!!" I've mentioned it before, but I love the "what's the deal with ________?" phrase. I use at least 6 times a day, whenever I feel conversations need to be more awkward. Another great movie cover is for "Showtime." Deniro and Murphy are both pointing at each other like "Heeeeeeey, get a load of this guy, huh? Who does he think he is? What a nutty guy! Can you believe him? All the hijinx he put me through in this movie that led to 'Lights, Camera, Aggrevation.' Boy, I tell ya." But the best by far is for the movie "Collision Course" that my brother stumbled upon in a flea market a few years ago (he bought if from an old Asian shopkeeper, similar to the one in "Gremlins"). It stars Jay Leno before he was Jay Leno. It is the biggest fucking Beverly Hills Cop ripoff, but the soundtrack is fantastic! Really, the movie is hilarious is you're a big fan of watching shitty movies and tearing them apart. But the cover takes the cake. They have Mr. Miyagi (who co-stars) handcuffed to Jay Leno with the most original tagline in movie history "The only thing stopping these two cops from solving the crime of the century.... is each other!" (Insert "Ha-cha-cha" with spinning bow tie).

I enjoy using the "What's the deal with ________?" all the time. Here are some examples.

What's the deal with graduation???

What's the deal with House of India???

What's the deal with this velcro role-playing game we found in Sam's bedroom that he used to play with his ex-girlfriend???

What's the deal with Senior Gala???

What's the deal with this salad bag on Jim's head???

What's the deal with Andrew shoving ridiculous amounts of whip cream in his mouth while sober???

I hope I have demonstrated the effectiveness of this simple phrase. Go forth and spread it as God intended. Last but not least, gotta shout out anyone from St. Louis who reads this. I miss the living shit out of you. Literally!... Wait...

I play my enemies like a game of chess where I rest, no stress if you don't smoke cess

2005-09-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

This is an illustration I did this week for my creative thinking class. Our professor is always very vague about the assignments, challenging us to bring more to the table since we have less restrictons. This was the assignment:

Show us a dream.

1) The expected
2) The unexpected

Expected being going up in front of the class and presenting an idea that is obvious, and trite. But even our professor admitted that he didn't really express the assignment correctly. So when I started brainstorming a few days before class, all I could think about was Martin Luther King Jr's "I Have a Dream Speech." Then I thought, what would be the complete antithesis of that, and I began to draw. When I presented it to class, a lot of people thought it was funny, then some people thought I was being disrespectful. When will people fucking realize that I'm a comedic genius and I can do no wrong? I'm sure MLK (R.I.P.) would have laughed his ass off if he had seen it, then we would've had a beer. Jesus (R.I.P.) would think it's funny too. I didn't get that much sleep this week.

Multi till I close up, it's all basic, I been spending hundreds since they had small faces

2005-09-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

I read an article the other day about Nirvana that influenced this dream I had last night. On March 30th 1994 , Kurt Cobain checked into a rehab clinic to be treated for heroin addiction and his suicidal depression. The day after checking in, Cobain escaped the clinic and made his way back to the his house in Seattle where he committed suicide 5 days later. I never knew that part of the story. I had never really read about it. I just remembered Kurt Loder coming on MTV news announcing his death and then them showing a suicide note covered in blood. I started wondering what music would be like today if there had been an extra guard on duty that day at the rehab clinic. He saw Cobain leaving the premises, stopped him, made him return back inside. Maybe had people keep a closer eye on him after an escape attempt. Cobain eventually goes through therapy and is given medication to help his depression. I wondered what he would've done next. Who he would've collaborated with. If there would be happy Nirvana songs (what?) Would that have lead to the inevitable downfall that all music artists go through? Or would the songs be the same? In any case, it really bummed me out that it is possible Cobain could still be alive today if maybe the guard on duty had taken a different route when patrolling the grounds. Not saying it was his or her fault, just saying I didn't know it could've been easily prevented.

So I had this dream last night. I don't know what your dreams look like, but mine are seen as if a drunken camera man shot it. Images shake a lot. Things you'd expect to be their regular colors are not... but it all makes sense in the dream. It doesn't seem out of the ordinary. I remember when I was younger I would wake up and be able to recall an entire dream. I think that ability is deteriorating with me as I get older. In any case, I woke up this morning remembering a specific part of the dream. I don't know how I got there, but I was in the this train station. I walked up to this elderly black man who had his own show shining stand. He asked me if I wanted my shoes shined and remember telling him I thought that was the greatest idea on earth. So I sat in the chair and looked down to realize I'm wearing the beat up pair of new balances I've been wearing for 5 plus years now. But it doesn't really matter to me. The man begins shining my shoes. We begin to talk and he's like "So where are you heading?" and I reply "I don't know. Gotta catch a train." He stopped shining my shoes and then looked over to a large box next to his shoe shining kit. He gestured towards the box and said "Those are for you." At the time, this all makes sense to me, and I'm thinking "Of course those are for me!" not really trying to make sense of things. I walk to the box and open it to see a huge pile of records. But they are records that have never been released, but artists who are dead. The first was by the Notorious B.I.G. I think it was called "Hell and Back" or something. I can't really remember. I just remember seeing albums by Nirvana and The Beatles that I had never seen before. At this point, I'm like "This is too good to be true." Then I start to think things through, and try to make sense of what's going on. I don't know about you guys, but as soon as I try to make sense of what's going on its usually the death knell of the dream and I wake up. There has only been one point in my life when I was in a dream and I realized I was in a dream. I was in this van and realized this, opened the door, jumped out and started flying around. But I woke up this morning wishing I could go back to sleep and pick up that exact moment, but that never happens. If I had not tried to make sense of it and somehow realized I was in a dream I would've made a record player magically materialize out of nothingness and listen to every single one of those records in the box. I woke up cursing. I thought it would've been so cool to see my subconscious making up imaginary songs from musicians I love. Maybe it's a good thing I woke up. If I had listened to them it probably would've sounded like garbage and I would've turned to the old man and been like "Fuck you!" then stolen his shoe shining supplies and run on a train....

If my manager insults me again, I will be assaultin him

2005-09-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Since the shit is really starting ot hit the fan here work wise, I've found myself at the Adcenter constantly. Combined with the amount of work we have, my friends and I in the program don't really have that much time to go get food, so we've been ordering out a lot. Chinese food and Pizza mostly. This past week was pretty crazy work wise and over the course of it, me and some friends ordered Domino's Pizza three times.

We usually order the pizza late at night. Everytime I go down to get the pizza its the same delivery guy. He's a white man who looks to be in his 40's or so. We would exchange pleasantries, then I'd pay him. He'd give me the pizza, and upon putting it my hands he'd say "Have fun!"

Have fun? How does one have fun with pizza? I mean, I was planning on rubbing the pizza all over my genitals, but then I realized I was hungry, and I'd rather just eat the pizza. I mean, has anyone ever ate a slice of pizza and just started to laugh their asses off in pure enjoyment like "HAHAHA!!! WOOOOO!!! PIZZA!!!! WOOOOO!!! FUCK YEAH! FUUUUUUCK YEAH!!!!" Then I thought, "Is the pizza man talking about having some kind of existential conversation with the pizza?" I pictured him coming home after a long day of work and playing boardgames with a box of pizza, having a great time. I suppose I could construct a fort out of the pizza box. That would be fun I guess. Or I could make some kind of weapon out of it.

This is the shit I think about when the pizza guy doesn't say "Enjoy."

I'm from the murda capital, where we murda for capital

2005-09-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

OK. I have a few things I'd like to talk about on this post.

Before I start, visit this site and watch: www.owlnet.rice.edu/~mrdarius/music/tunak.ram

It's a real player file, so watch that shit!

1) So I was talking to my good friend Sam this week and we were talking about music we had heard recently. We talked about Kanye's new album, which in my opinion is not as good as al the critics are saying."College Dropout" is much better, but I can go into that on another entry. So we're talking and this is how our conversation goes...

Sam: Hey man, have you heard of "Dolar Mendhi?"
Jay: No... Is he an Indian emcee?
Sam: Yeah. You gotta hear his shit man, its awesome. It should've gone on the 746 Kingsland mix.

For those of you who don't know, when I was in St. Louis Jim, Sam and I lived in apartment at 746 Kingsland Ave Apt #2. It was a great place and we had a bunch of parties. Whenever we had a party, we'd make the "746 Kingsland Special" which contained all our favorite jams on mp3 to play. These songs were the creme of the crop... Like R. Kelly's "Gotham City." So once Sam said "746 Kingsland mix" worthy, I thought this must be the greatest song ever. And especially since the conversations leading into this was talking about great music, I was waiting to hear some sick rhymes from a desi emcee.

Instead I got a video of a large Sikh man aka Dolar Mendhi. I took the liberty of capturing some stills and posting them. This is my take on the video. There is this man who is somewhat equivalent to Captain Planet, and he has four of himself representing different elements. He has the power to shoot fire balls and can manipulate rainbow shaped orbs that fly around him all the while singing and dancing in front of backdrops used from Mortal Kombat II. It seems at first he is happy that there are four Dolar Mendhi's, then like 3/4 of the way through the video, the shit hits the fan and the orange one realizes hes not really having fun, and that having three other Dolar Mendhis around kinda sucks ass. But the other three convince him its not that bad, and they all put there hands together in a huddle to create a ball of light.... And thats about the best summary of the video. The best dance move by far happens at the beginning, which seems to be Dolar doing a slow motion jumping jack. I need to try that shit at the next bar I go to. I could totally see Lil Jon jumping on this thing for the remix. You can definitely hear his voice over that beat... I might actually make that. Then at the end of the video all four element COMBINE TOGETHER TO FORM A FUCKING-SUPER-DOLAR MENDHI!!! Could this only be a prelude? Could there be a prequel? In any case, I had to change my pants after I saw it, it was so good. Sam, I could totally see that on the 746 Special. Maybe it the video would be better if I learned Hindi and I knew what the fuck he was singing about.

2) Two entries ago, under my comments for that post, someone said "You have a fantastic blog!" They then in turn asked me to visit their pharmacy where I could buy penis elargement supplements. I'm glad my blog is getting visits from members of the Penis Enlargement Lobby of America. Thanks for all your dedication and support!...... Unless.... Wait. You sons of bitches. You don't care about my blog! You only care about your pharmacy with its thousands and thousands of erectile remedies. I'll see you in hell.

You don't know bout the cases I get, court case, briefcase, suitcase, cases of Cris

2005-09-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is a t-shirt I designed last week for my creative thinking class. I think I'm going to start selling them to my south asian friends who have experienced racial profiling in the south, or anywhere for that matter. Let me know if you're interested.

It's really great meeting all these new people in Richmond. I'm having a really good time. The only thing that really sucks is that after my four years at Wash U, my sense of humor revolves mainly around inside jokes that have compounded over the years. At Wash U, I could say "What's the deal with _________?" with an expression my face that details, "Hey this is zany!" Here if I do that, I think people want to shoot me. At Wash U, I went to parties all the time and whenever I was drunk at a party I felt the need to make things awkward. This eventually led to me going up to random people at parties in St. Louis and asking them if they had any blow. The conversation would die immediately with everyone staring at me because they have no idea how to respond. I'd usually be with Jim or Sam when I'm doing this so we'd laugh about it afterwards. I did that here a couple of times, and realize that now everyone thinks I do blow. I forgot to test the waters. At Wash U everyone knew I was a jackass, or picked up on that shortly after meeting me. Here they think I'm a coke addict who brings up Seinfeld jokes too often. Well... when in Rome.

I read an article recently entitled "Low summer movie attendace attributed to poor films." Wow. No fucking shit Einstein. If Burger King started serving human feces for every meal, it would dissuade a few people from eating there (it wouldn't be like shit on a tray either, it would be like they Burger King guy calls your order up and there is a piece of shit in between two buns on a tray). I didn't need a fucking crystal ball to tell you "Rebound" starring Martin Lawrence is going to suck ass and no one will go see it. He should've never turned down the script for "Black Knight 2." I'm hoping the American public finally gets it. Don't go to shitty movies. I only saw three movies this summer in the theaters: Star Wars, Batman Begins, and Hustle & Flow. All were excellent. I had discussed briefly with my best friends going to see "Stealth" hammered to mock the movie the whole time and subsequently ruin the monkey-ass film for everyone else in the theater. But then again, there was a point in 1997 when I thought "Con-Air" was the greatest fucking movie ever. But now I know that's wrong. "Simon Sez" starring Dennis Rodman is.